John Gray – Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus Scanned by nova scanner: Canoscan D1250 U2f software: Omnipage Pro 9 Date: 28 August 2002 Proofed by

A relationship is healthy when both partners have permission to ask for what they want and 
need, and they both have permission to say no if they choose. 
 
For example, I remember standing in the kitchen with a family friend one day when our 
daughter Lauren was five years old. She asked me to lift her up and do tricks, and I said, "No, I 
can't today. I am real tired." 
 
She persisted, asking playfully, "Please, Daddy, please, Daddy, just one flip." 
 
The friend said, "Now, Lauren, your father is tired. He has worked hard today. You shouldn't 
ask." 
 
Lauren immediately responded by saying, "I am just asking!" 
 
"But you know your father loves you," my friend said. "He can't say no to you." 
 
(The truth is, if he can't say no, that's his problem, not hers.) 
 
Immediately my wife and all three daughters said, "Oh yes he can!" 
 
I was proud of my family. It has taken a lot of work, but gradually we have learned to ask for 
support and also to accept no. 
 
STEP 3: PRACTICE ASSERTIVE ASKING 
 
Once you have practiced step 2 and you can graciously accept a no, you are ready for step 3. In 
this step you assert your full power to get what you want. You ask for his support, and if he 
starts making excuses and resists your request, you don't say "OK" as in step 2. Instead you 
practice making it OK that he resists but continue waiting for him to say yes. 
 
Instead of immediately letting him off the hook by saying "OK," say nothing. Stand there and 
accept that he is resisting your request. By not resisting his resistance there is a much greater 
chance he will say yes.