Microsoft Word Marriage Guide doc

Source: 
www.al-islamforall@org
 
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to do, and creating a lot of work you wouldn't have to do if he was not there,' then sooner or 
later a woman is going to wonder why she is doing this-and the marriage is on the rocks. 
'Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because God has given 
the one more strength, and because they spend of their property. Therefore 
righteous women are the obedient, guarding in (the husband's) absence what God 
has guarded.' (4:34) 
The man has to show the protection, the maintenance, and the strength before he 
receives the obedience and the co-operation. 
Just because a man is head of the household does not mean that he is issuing 
commands at every hour of the day. Usually it simply means that when the two of them at 
times disagree, and a row threatens, he has a casting vote. The husband does not always 
have to give in to his wife's wishes; but he is a fool if he does not listen to her reasons why 
she wants a certain thing doing, or wants it doing a certain way. Good Muslim husbands and 
wives both realise that everyone is capable of making mistakes, of not being perfect, and 
both should consider each other's rights and requests with an open mind and humility. The 
Prophet (P.B.U.H) emphasised this time and time again. A modern Nigerian scholar remarks: 
'It is a fact, however, that sound administration within the domestic sphere is 
impossible without a unified policy. For this reason the Shari`ah requires a man, as head of 
the family, to consult with his family and then have the final say in decisions concerning it. 
In doing so, he must not abuse his prerogative to cause any injury to his wife. Any 
transgression of this principle involves for him the risk of losing the favour of Allah, because 
his wife is not his subordinate but she is, to use the words of the Prophet, the "queen of the 
house," and this is the position a true believer is expected to give his wife.' (Doi, Women in 
Shari'ah, 10) 
Even if the man has more responsibility than the woman and therefore has a’ degree 
over her,' this does not necessarily make him better than his wife. 
How can you tell if you are being a good husband? What does a good husband have to 
do? 
Well, he has to be a good provider, to the best of his ability. Islam is very keen on 
men earning, striving and supporting, and not depending on others. 
'What a man spends on his family is a Sadaqa, and a man will be rewarded. even for 
the morsel that he raises to his wife's lips.' (Bukhari and Muslim) 
'He is not one of us who possesses money but keeps his family away from his wealth.' 
(Mustadrak) 
A celibate man once told a scholar: `God has given me a share in every good work,' 
and he mentioned the Hajj, the Jihad, and so on. 'How far you still remain,' replied the 
scholar, `from the work of the saints (abdal).' 'And what is that?” Legitimate earning and 
supporting a family' (Ghazali) 
'Supporting a wife is not only a training and a discipline, but also a providing and a 
caring and a form of worship in its own right.' (Ghazali). 
A man's wife and family have material needs, and things cost money. It is a poor 
husband who keeps his pay packet to himself, if the wife has no independent financial 
means of support. It is very galling for most women to be forced to ask their husbands for a 
bottle of scent, or new underwear, or new clothes for the children, let alone adequate 
finances to buy the food and pay the bills. 
Husbands should be alert to the cost of living, and make sure that the allowances 
they give their wives are reasonable. If the husband just hands over the barest minimum, 
and keeps everything else for his own pleasure, this is not fair. He can only do this by having 
a wife who is a slave-worker, and not a wife! Once again, it would be a good exercise for 
him to work out how much it would cost him to replace his wife with hired help. 
Being a good provider also means that the husband should not waste his money, or 
fritter it away. Obviously a man cannot be blamed for being a poor man if it is not his fault; 
but he can be blamed for being idle, and greedy, and mean, and selfish. In the Western 
world, many wives are disappointed by husbands who waste their earnings on alcohol, 
The Muslim Marriage Guide: Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood

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