Microsoft Word Marriage Guide doc

Source: 
www.al-islamforall@org
 
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beneficial to perform as correctly as possible, and earn merit, by increasing non-
compulsory prayers and rakat. But what Islam requires is that we combine the two. 
Both fiqh and tasawwuf are dangerous without each other: the inner form of the soul 
during the prayer and the outward arrangement of the body must be in harmony. The 
heart must prostrate as well as the body. 
One fruit of this balanced spiritual activity will be that each spouse is able 
always to consider the hopes and faith of the other, and to be open-hearted. 
One partner should not be so preoccupied with his or her own spiritual 
progress that they fail to show sincere concern for the other. If the husband does not 
give sufficient attention to his wife's spiritual needs, then in time she may no longer 
cherish the same goals that he does. If parents do not take enough personal interest 
in the spiritual growth of their children, they may find their hearts and minds being 
drawn away by the materialistic world which surrounds them. This will be almost 
inevitable unless they take the trouble to explain not only the 'whats' but also the 
'whys' of Islam. 
Finally, it is very important for a boss to show respect and honour to his 
workforce. They are not slaves-they are living beings with their own hopes and 
feelings, fears and frustrations. 
This applies particularly to husbands honouring their wives in the sexual 
relationship, about which more will be said shortly. So much frigidity and lack of 
interest on the part of wives is caused by husbands who are ignorant of a woman's 
physical and emotional makeup. Some husbands are harsh and demanding, satisfy their 
own needs without considering those of their wives, demand sex when their wives are 
tired or feeling ill, or when they have earlier upset them and put them right out of the 
mood. 
They have not grasped the words of the Blessed Prophet who counselled men 
not to leap upon their women like animals, but to 'send a messenger' first. He also 
used to say that a man who beat his wife like a slave during the day could hardly expect 
her to fall happily into his arms later that night. By a simple process of analogy, one must 
extend this hadith to those men who treat their women like slaves. The same applies: they 
will only gain disappointment and resentment, not love. 
Muslim men should obviously not look outside their own home for sexual enjoyment 
of any kind. If they did, that would certainly not be honouring their wives. The Prophet 
(P.B.U.H) wisely said on one occasion: 
`Whenever any one of you comes across an attractive woman, and his heart is 
inclined towards her, he should go straight to his wife and have sexual intercourse with her, 
so that he might keep himself away from evil thoughts.' (Muslim) 
The husband who honours his wife does not treat her as an inferior being. The 
Prophet (P.B.U.H) told men to feed their wives with the same sort of food as they received 
themselves (not obliging them to give them the best all the time, while the wife gets the 
left-overs!), and clothing them with the same sort of clothes-in other words, if the husband 
likes expensive and stylish things, he should not spend so much on himself that his wife is 
reduced to hunting around for cheap bargains and making do. The principle is fairness-yes, 
the husband may have earned the money, but the woman has made it possible for him, and 
she has rights over it. 
'You shall give her to eat when you take your food, and you shall clothe her when you 
clothe yourself..' (Hadith from Abu Daud) 
If the wife falls short of expectations, it is stupid to treat her harshly and make her 
life unpleasant. Try to improve matters by tact and gentleness and encouragement-as you 
would like others to do for you when you fall short. Don't start trying to run the kitchen or 
the household yourself, pushing her out of the way and making her feel embarrassed and 
small. Bosses who do that to their workers soon find their staff depressed and in revolt, 
and they usually walk out sooner or later. Far better to communicate, train gently, explain 
things, and make appreciative noises when things are going right. 
The Muslim Marriage Guide: Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood

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