Microsoft Word Marriage Guide doc

Source: 
www.al-islamforall@org
 
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'Whichever man is patient with the bad character of his wife shall be given a reward 
like unto that which Job shall receive; and whichever woman is patient with the bad 
character of her husband shall be given the same reward as Asiya, the (saintly) wife of 
Pharoah.' (Al Ghazali) 
Love may be based on many things, but to be of true value it must go beyond mere 
human affection or mutual desire and be governed by what is for the highest good of the 
loved one. That kind of love can sometimes call for reproving or disciplining, just as a 
parent reproves or disciplines a much-loved child. But in Islam it is important to be long-
suffering and kind. Even when a situation provokes you, and perhaps unfair accusations are 
being made, you must show restraint and generosity. Remember the saying: 'The true 
Muslim is like the earth: everything foul is thrown upon it, but only what is beautiful grows 
from it.' 
True love is not impatient, or 'picky.' It is not jealous or suspicious or possessive. 
Those things are signs of insecurity, fed by the imagination, and should be watched out for. 
It is so easy to see other people's faults and failings, and so hard to acknowledge them in 
ourselves; but if we are good Muslims we must make the attempt. As a hadith says, 'Blessed 
is he who is so concerned by his own faults that he cannot see the faults of others.' 
(Daylami.) 
True love does not behave indecently or with vulgarity. A good husband or wife does 
not discuss the shortcomings or intimate skills of their spouse with others, which would be 
so hurtful if found not. Nobody likes being laughed at, especially for things which are 
personal and private. The Blessed Prophet said: 
'On the Day of Judgment, the lowest person in the sight of God will be the man who 
is intimate with his wife and then broadcasts her secrets.' (Hadith narrated by Muslim) 
And Imam al-Nawawi says: 'Know that a husband should never discuss sexual matters 
with any of his wife's relatives.' 
This principle applies even after a divorce. Imam Al-Ghazali tells a story about a 
pious man who wanted to divorce his wife, and was asked: 'What have you against her?' He 
answered: 'A man of understanding does not reveal his wife's secret.' After the divorce, he 
was asked why he had divorced her, but he merely said: 'What business of mine is another 
man's wife?' 
The good husband comes home from work tired, but he does not forget his duties 
and his love for his family. He may not be in the least eager to chatter, and needs to take 
rest-but his wife may have been treasuring some detail to tell him all day; and whereas he 
may have been surrounded by adults to whom he could talk and enjoy conversation, she 
may have had no-one to talk to but the baby, the cat and the curtains! Honour the rights of 
your wife, and be kind. 
And what about the children? If the father makes no time for them, and fails to 
teach them to respect their mother by his own attitude towards her and treatment of her, 
then sooner or later he will pay the price for it. Children need to see their parents' love 
and respect for each other, their united cooperation, and their willingness to help each 
other. Phrases like 'wait until your father gets home!' and 'Go ask your mother!' inevitably 
cast the person who has to do the disciplining, or has to say 'no,' in the role of villain. If 
there is to be family happiness, each parent should receive the child's love and respect. On 
no account should mother and father allow a child to pit one against the other-a skill they 
pick up very easily, sad to say! 
If children are expected to respect their parents, then the parents must live in 
such a way that they are deserving of respect, and provide a good example for the child 
to follow. Selfishness, bad temper, unreasonableness, laziness, dishonesty, abusiveness: 
these are all qualities swiftly picked up and copied by children. Earn respect by providing 
a peaceful and loving Muslim home, a good set of standards, a good and consistent 
example in your own conduct, sound training in manners and morals, and loving and 
gentle discipline when needed. 
The Muslim Marriage Guide: Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood

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