Microsoft Word Marriage Guide doc

Source: 
www.al-islamforall@org
 
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gambling and 'nights out with the boys.' Muslim husbands should obviously not do this, but if 
the husband innocently goes out three or four times a week to a hired sports centre, he 
should consider what he is allowing his wife for her relaxation, and whether his use of time 
and expenditure is fair. A wife who notices her husband spending all his time and money on 
things like indoor sports is not going to be very thrilled with him for long, as she sits at home 
alone darning the socks! 
Muslims should learn to live within their means, and this is often difficult for a new 
husband and wife. It is so easy to get into debt, especially in modern societies that 
encourage you to 'live now, pay later.' Muslim couples should be awake to the fact that if 
they live foolishly and irresponsibly, they will indeed `pay later,' and not just in cash! The 
true believers are `those who, when they spend, are neither prodigal nor miserly; and there 
is always a firm standing-place between the two.' (25:67.) 
At the same' time, they must take care not to become materialistic. There are things 
which are more important than keeping up with the neighbours, and having all the latest 
expensive gadgetry and cars. Riches are a temptation and a snare. So many sayings of the 
Prophet (P.B.U.H) point this out: 
'Riches are sweet, and a source of blessing to those who acquire them by the way; 
but those who seek them out of greed are like people who eat but are never full.' (Bukhari) 
'It is not poverty which I fear for you; it is that you might begin to desire the world as 
others before you desired it, so that it destroys you as it destroyed them.' (Bukhari and 
Muslim) 
'The love of money is the source of all wickedness.' (Bayhaqi) 
'Richness does not consist in the abundance of worldly goods; richness is the 
richness of the soul.' (Muslim) 
No matter what wonderful possessions a materialistic way of life may bring, they can 
never compensate for the pain of seeing family relationships weaken and break down. What 
is the point of spending so much time at work in order to gain the physical things of life that 
you have no time or energy left for the spiritual things? And no time or energy to build up 
love and compassion and friendship in your household? 
It is up to the husband, as head of the house, to be alert to this and make sure he is 
doing his spiritual and loving duty. Yes, he should work hard to provide the physical needs of 
his household; but he should put his ultimate effort not into riches and material things 
which will pass away, but into the service of God through loving his wife and family, 
teaching them, and building up their spiritual lives together. 
'Nobody shall meet God with a sin greater than that of having left his family in 
ignorance.' (Imam Daylami) It is vital to realise that this means praying together often, 
which is actually one of the things so appreciated by Muslim wives who, with the decline of 
the extended family, so frequently have to pray alone. It is such a lovely thing to kneel 
behind the head of your house, your husband-imam, and worship with him from time to 
time. However, your husband-imam must also bear in mind the principles taught by the 
Blessed Prophet himself, who made his prayers fit the needs and necessities and 
hardships of the congregation behind him. 
'I stand up to pray and I intend to pray at length; but when I hear the cry of a 
child I shorten it for fear that the mother might be distressed.' (Bukhari and Muslim) 
Prayer is not meant to be done out of duty or boredom, but out of love. The 
fiqh of Islam (carrying out the ritual details) is one aspect only; a no less important 
aspect is the inner dimension of faith, the tasawwuf, which brings spiritual insights 
and true devotion of the heart. If a husband is obsessed only with the fiqh (outward) 
aspect, whereas his wife is drawn more towards the tasawwuf (inner) dimension, then 
here is an opportunity for the devil to creep in between them; for there is a natural 
tendency for each side to think that their own preoccupation is the best. The 
tasawwuf worshipper will have a loving awareness of God's presence throughout the 
day, and as well as performing the basic obligations will pray in short (or long bursts of 
great personal devotion. The worshipper limited only to the fiqh will regard it as 
The Muslim Marriage Guide: Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood

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