Microsoft Word Marriage Guide doc

Source: 
www.al-islamforall@org
 
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the sole earners and breadwinners, then they should stop to figure out what it would cost 
them if they lost their wives and were obliged to hire a purchasing agent, a cook, a 
kitchen-hand, a cleaner, a housekeeper, a decorator, a nursemaid, a chauffeur for the 
children, and so on. Normally the wife saves all this expense by doing this work herself-
quite a contribution! 
If the wife does go out to work, then extra thought and organisation are obviously 
needed, if the home is not to lose out. This might mean that a husband would be expected 
to do more in the way of housework than he might really want to do-and in fairness, if a 
woman is working long hours as well as the man, then he is a poor Muslim if he does not do 
his fair share around the house. 
Some Muslim men need reminding that the various fatwas (authoritative 
pronouncements in religious law) on who has responsibility for housework actually vary quite 
a lot from madhhab to madhhab, and that there is no fixed and rigid Islamic ruling in this 
respect. The Hanafis, for example (who include most Muslims in Britain), 
regard housework as a religious obligation binding upon the wife. Yet the position of 
the classical Shafi'i school is quite different: 
'A woman is not obliged to serve her husband by baking, grinding flour, cooking, 
washing, or any other kind of service, because the marriage contract entails, for her 
part, only that she let him enjoy her sexually, and she is not obliged to do other than 
that.' (Reliance of the Traveller, tr. Keller, p. 948.) 
If the man is not prepared or able to do his fair share, then other things have to 
be done when a woman goes out to work: cleaners, gardeners and baby-minders have 
to be hired to help. With good organisation, it can be done. A Muslim wife who let her 
home go to ruin while she made money outside would be at fault; but the 
responsibility of seeing that all runs smoothly is up to both husband and wife. There is 
no point whatsoever in a wife collapsing with exhaustion to the disgust of an 
unsympathetic husband. The Islamic way is one of love and consideration, and 
unselfish sharing. 
Another aspect of welcome is in the generous reception of guests, which is 
regarded as an important Islamic duty. In Islam, the guest needs no invitation, even to 
come and stay for a few days, though it is obviously good manners if the visitor can 
inform the host in advance of his or her arrival. When guests come, Muslims should be 
hospitable and generous, whether or not they expect to get the same treatment in 
return. 
As regards the guest, you do not know whom God 
will send you, or for what reason-therefore you should always be prepared, no matter 
how humble the guest, or how inconvenient-and your household should always be 
welcoming. To achieve this, it has to be well ordered, with thoughtful and 
considerate catering. 
A guest cannot be welcomed if the cupboards are bare, and the furniture is 
dirty or broken-down, or if the husband and wife are seething with anger and 
resentment for each other. 
To this end, it is very important that Muslim men learn properly the principles of 
Islam when considering both the guest and the person who caters for the guest who is, 
of course, usually the wife. It is bad manners to bring back people unexpectedly, 
unless this really cannot be helped, especially in a society that has full use of the 
telephone! Even then, a good guest should not expect to be entertained lavishly if no 
warning has been given-for the cupboard could be bare, or the wife could be sick or 
exhausted, or vitally engaged in some other planned activity. It is one thing to 
welcome the guest as the 'gift of Allah,' but it is quite another thing for people to 
impose rudely on others without thought for their convenience. If this happens, the 
wife can at least console herself with the thought that her sacrifice and good manners 
will be recorded to her benefit, whereas the guest's and the husband's rudeness will 
have to be accounted for! 
The Muslim Marriage Guide: Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood

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