Microsoft Word Marriage Guide doc

Source: 
www.al-islamforall@org
 
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to have been another wife, whom the Prophet divorced, either called Aliya bint Zabyan or 
Qayla bint al-Ash'ath. 
Of these ladies, it is clear that even if their marriages were political or undertaken 
for social reasons, the Prophet (P.B.U.H) physically loved A'ishah very much, and also 
enjoyed the embraces of the four 'beauties': the aristocratic Umm Salamah, his cousin 
Zaynab, and two daughters of defeated enemies-Juwayriyyah bint al-Harith, and the Jewish 
woman Safiyyah. He must also have enjoyed intimacy with his Coptic Christian Maryah 
(scholars are not united on whether she was wife or concubine), 
because she gave birth to his son Ibrahim shortly before he died. 
Only young people can suppose, anyway, that it is impossible for women over forty 
to be interested in physical intimacy. Middle-aged women who have had a miserable and 
unfulfilled life with selfish husbands are probably quite glad to give it up, but those with 
thoughtful husbands would be very sad to set a 'sell-by date' on their intimate life. 
Incidentally, it is worth pointing out to those who think the Prophet (P.B.U.H) cannot have 
had a physical relationship with the older ladies that Khadijah did not marry the Prophet 
(P.B.U.H) until she was over 40, and yet kept him satisfied until she was 65, and gave birth 
to most of his children. 
The Blessed Prophet was not a wealthy man and did not marry young. His first wife, 
Khadijah bint Khuwaylid, was in fact his employer-a wealthy and intelligent widow who ran 
her own business, and herself proposed matrimony to the devout and highly thought-of 
young merchant, seeing in him the sort of man that she admired. She had been married 
twice before, with children from both marriages. 
It is evident that they were both exceedingly pious people, even before the 
Prophet's call to Apostleship, and that they had the admiration for each other that could 
easily become love. The Prophet had worked as the overseer of her caravans for quite 
some time, and they knew each other well. The age factor appears not to have come into 
it. (The present author has seen fifty summers go by, and is at present blessed by the love 
of a pious man twenty years her junior, has faced exactly the same criticisms, and can so 
speak with gratitude for the gracious, brave and open-minded example of our dear 
Prophet!) 
Later, the Prophet (P.B.U.H) made it quite clear that when people were 
considering matrimony, they should not marry for looks, or wealth, or rank, but for 
compatibility and piety. That was what counted; it was the force that would overcome the 
obstacles, and would make or break the marriage. 
Abdullah ibn Umar reported that God's Messenger ( P.B.U.H) said: 'Do not marry only 
for a person's looks, for their beauty might become a cause of moral decline. Do not marry 
for the sake of wealth, as this may become a source of sin. Marry rather on the grounds of 
religious devotion.' (Tirmidhi) 
A man said to al-Hasan al-Basri: 'Several suitors have asked for my daughter. To 
whom should I give her in marriage?' He replied: 'To him who fears God the most. For if he 
loves her he will respect her, and even if he comes to dislike her he will not be crue to her.' 
(Al-Ghazali) To fall in love with someone simply because of their looks is dangerous and 
misguided for many reasons. Firstly, those good looks might conceal less pleasant sides to 
their character to which 'love is blind.' Later, because of the obsession with the partner's 
looks, the enamoured partner might be influenced into doing or accepting all sorts of wrong 
conduct in their desperation to keep their love of their 'idol.' Thus, those good looks might 
even cause a form of shirk in the heart of the one desperately in love with them! 
Secondly, the good-looking person might be perfectly decent and good, but 
unfortunately the good looks begin to deteriorate with age, or increasing fatness, or 
damage through accident or illness. What then? If the lover only wanted them because of 
their looks, the relationship is now on tricky ground. The wise Prophet advised having more 
secure foundations for marriage than being carried away by a person's face or figure. 
In fact, Khadijah was a remarkable woman. She loved the Blessed Prophet until she 
died, was his first convert, and became his comforter through many crises. 
The Muslim Marriage Guide: Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood

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