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4 A Sign and Foretaste of Paradise 
'Nikah (marriage) is my sunnah. He who shuns my sunnah is not of me.' (Hadith 
from Muslim) 
With these famous words, the Blessed Prophet (P.B.U.H)left his followers in no doubt 
of his own personal approval of marriage, and since his way of life was to be 'the Qur'an 
walking,' we know that the sexual relationship really is the will of Allah for His subjects. It is 
worth stressing this point, for some people have a tendency to turn away from. the 'things 
of the flesh,' and regard the pleasures of marriage and sexual fulfillment as if they were 
self-indulgent evils! 
As is well known, the Christian Church has had a tradition of asceticism which 
encouraged men and women to give up their sex lives in order to concentrate on their 
prayers and piety. 
As is also very well known to older people, many ordinary men and women who fall a 
long way short of sainthood would also like to be able to give up their sex lives too, not for 
religious reasons but because they have proved so traumatic and disappointing and 
humiliating. Many people find the whole subject of sex dirty and degrading, and their 
unfortunate experience so unpleasant and unfulfilling as to reinforce these notions. 
This is not the attitude to sex revealed to Muslims 
through the Blessed Prophet 
There is nothing in Islam which encourages 
shame of the sexual urge. As Allah Himself has made clear, He has created life-forms in 
pairs, including the human couple. When something is created as one of a pair, it is 
clearly incomplete without the other. It takes only the most rudimentary knowledge of 
The Muslim Marriage Guide: Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood

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Source: 
www.al-islamforall@org
 
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biology to notice that male and female forms were created to 'fit together,' like a jigsaw 
puzzle, and when things are as they should be, the moments when they do so 'fit 
together' are moments of great love, joy and fulfilment. As one of the ulema has 
affirmed: 
'Sexual intercourse provides pleasure and energy, it refreshes the soul, banishes 
sorrow, anger and dark thoughts, and is a prevention of many diseases.' (Zabidi, Ithaf al-
Sada al-Muttaqin, V, 371) 
More than that, Islam teaches that in the act of sexual union and fulfilment there is 
a sign of Allah's greatness and compassion, and of His relationship with all humanity that 
turns to Him. 
'A Muslim man can acquire no benefit after Islam greater than a Muslim wife who 
makes him happy when he looks at her, obeys him when he commands her, and protects 
him when he is away from her in herself and in his property' (Nasa'i) 
'The most perfect believer in faith is the one whose character is finest and who is 
kindest to his wife.' (Tirmidhi and Nasa'i) 
In all these statements the Prophet (P.B.U.H) is addressing men; just as the Qur'an 
usually uses grammatically masculine expressions. However, the ulema say that this does 
not mean that the comments are exclusively meant for the male sex: by extension the 
same ethos is encouraged in women. Allah has made it quite clear in verse 33:35, for 
example, that the basic moral instructions of Islam are given to both men and women. 
The Prophet (P.B.U.H) set a wonderful example of a husband devoted to his 
womenfolk, and in his case he had more than one wife to consider. He did not marry until 
the age of 25, and then remained content with the one wife until she died 25 years later. 
When he was over 50 he married other women, and when he died at the age of 64 his 
household included many women, who all loved him very much. 
It is amusing to read the words of eccentric writers who are embarrassed by the 
thought that the Blessed Prophet could have been a fulfilled and happily married man, 
insisting that these wives of his middle age were all taken on out of pity and charity, most 
of them past the age of any interest in a sexual relationship. As it happens, the only wife 
the Prophet (P.B.U.H ~) married who we are certain was older than himself was his first 
wife, Khadijah, who gave birth to six of his children when she was already over the age of 
forty, and who shared his bed and enjoyed the comfort of his arms to the exclusion of all 
others until she was 65! All the other wives, except possibly Sawdah, were younger, and 
their stories will be considered in the next chapter. 
Sa'id ibn al-Musayyib recorded the Blessed Prophet's 
opinion of a loving sexual relationship as follows: 'When a Muslim man intends to 
come to his wife, God writes for him 20 good deeds and erases from him 20 evil deeds. 
When he takes her by the hand, God writes for him 40 good deeds and erases from him 40 
evil deeds. When he kisses her, God writes for him 60 good deeds and erases from him 60 
evil deeds. When he comes into her, God writes for him 120 good deeds. When he stands up 
to make the ablution, God boasts of him to the angels and says: "Look at My servant! He 
stands up on a cold night to wash himself of impurity (janabah) seeking the good pleasure 
of his Lord. I bear witness to you that I have forgiven him his sins".' (Maybudi, Tafsir, 1,610) 
The scholar Maybudi goes on to point out the importance of human beings granting 
their rights to each other. God, as Creator and Sustainer, has rights over all of us, but He so 
often tempers His divine Justice with His divine Compassion, and so forgives and forgoes His 
rights. Human beings, on the other hand, are required to be just towards one another, and 
if they have transgressed against any other person, to , realise that Paradise is withheld 
from them until the claimant against them is satisfied. 
The Messenger of God (P.B.U.H) once said: "Do you know who is the bankrupt?" and 
we replied: "The bankrupt among us, O Messenger of God, is he that has neither dirham nor 
dinar to his name, nor any property." But he said: "The bankrupt of my Ummah is he that 
shall come forward on the Day of Arising with the Prayer, the Fast and the Zakat, but having 
insulted this person, and abused that person, and having consumed another's wealth, and 
The Muslim Marriage Guide: Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood

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