Microsoft Word Marriage Guide doc

Source: 
www.al-islamforall@org
 
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who is still trying hard to keep the marriage going can become worn down and depressed. If 
that is happening to you, remember that `Bank Balance in Heaven,' and remember also that 
every time you did not return a bad answer, or pay back evil with evil, a little extra credit 
gets entered on your record. 
Every individual is responsible for their own Record. When we face judgment, our 
'books' will be opened, and we will see straight away what we did with our lives. When we 
live intimately with another person, it is all too easy to try to mix up our record with that 
person's, to try and mould them in the way that we believe suits us, to try to make them do 
what we want them to do. This might work; but as so many married people know to their 
cost, it works only rarely, and the price can be high. 
You have to stand on your own, and build your own Record. If your husband or wife 
does something that hurts you, this bad deed or thought goes down on their record and not 
yours. 
'Guard yourselves against a Day when no soul shall avail another, nor shall 
intercession be accepted for that other, nor shall compensation be taken for it, nor shall 
anyone be helped from outside.' (2:48) 
What is entered on your Record is how you reacted to that particular test: did you fly 
off the handle, or consider the truth of the matter with patience and justice? If your 
reaction was a successful one in the Islamic sense, then the badness of your partner is 
turned into merit for you-even though you have been hurt. 
These words from the Holy Qur'an imply the correct way to conduct your Islamic 
marriage partnership and household: 
'Whatever you are given is but an enjoyment for this life; while that 
which is with God is better and more lasting, for those who believe and put 
their trust in their Lord. Those who avoid the greater transgressions and shame-
ful deeds, and who, when they are angry, still forgive; those who listen to their 
Lord, and do establish the Prayer, and whose affairs are settled by mutual 
consultation among themselves; and who spend (in charity) out of what We 
bestow upon them; and those who, when an oppressive wrong is inflicted upon 
them, help and defend themselves. The recompense for an injury is an injury 
like unto it; but whoever forgives, and makes reconciliation, his reward is due 
from God. And God loves not those who act unjustly' (42:36-40) 
When someone wrongs you, you may not be able to put it right, or make them a 
friend again-but it will be an enormous consolation to know that you have a Friend Who 
never changes in His concern and justice towards you, and Whose 'eye' sees all. Without this 
awareness, marriage can be difficult indeed. 
If your main aim in marriage is to please your partner, then you could be heading for 
disappointment and distress, for human beings are odd creatures with fickle moods and 
fancies. Many disappointed husbands and wives know that no matter what they do or how 
hard they try, the partner is never pleased. In fact, quite often the more they do to try to 
earn that approval, the more it irritates the partner and the less likely they are to get it. 
Human nature can be that perverse. 
However, if your main aim is to please Allah, then you will hopefully be able to 
withstand any 'bad patches,' maintain your loving relationship with sympathy and patience, 
and remain confident that He Who sees all will understand everything. that comes to pass.