Microsoft Word Marriage Guide doc

Source: 
www.al-islamforall@org
 
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announcement of her husband's urges, perhaps after he has sat up late watching TV, 
after which he rolls into bed to get the whole business over with as quickly as possible 
before he drops off to sleep. 
Similarly, there is no justification for using one's religious devotions as an 
excuse to deprive a loving partner. According to Abu Sad, the Prophet (P.B.U.H) once 
rebuked the wife of Safwan Ibn al-Mu'attal for being over pious to the detriment of her 
marriage. She used to read two long surahs during her night prayer, keeping her husband 
waiting; and she fasted frequently without his permission, which made her tired and 
prevented any opportunity for sex during the day (sexual activity being forbidden while 
fasting). The Blessed Prophet ruled in favour of the husband, recommending that she limit 
her recitation to one surah, and only fasted with her husband's permission. Similarly, when 
the Prophet heard that an ascetic Companion, Abdallah Ibn 'Amr, was in the habit of 
praying all night and fasting all day, he told him to moderate his devotions, pointing out 
that 'Your eye has a right over you, your guests have a right over you, and your wife has a 
right over you.' (Bukhari.) 
This hadith should be taken seriously. Many Muslim wives in nuclear families know 
only too well the long hours of loneliness while their husbands are away at the mosque, and 
how frequently they dawdle with their friends (even if the last prayer is very late), and 
sometimes fail to come to bed until the wife is already asleep, or is so tired that she is no 
longer interested! 
The Blessed Prophet's own practice was not to remain in the mosque or with others 
after the last prayer of the day, but to leave the mosque and return home. It is a Sunnah to 
sleep quite early, and to rise early as well. 
If some of the above reads like a comment on your own attitude or activities, then 
you would do well to examine your conscience! Nobody is suggesting that a normal marriage 
has to be a constant round of physical gymnastics at every moment of the day-merely that 
the legitimate needs of both partners must be taken into consideration. 
A good Muslim woman will do her best to see that her man is happy and content. The 
good Muslim man must know that he has exactly the same duty towards his wife. 
Sometimes he fails in this duty simply because he is a selfish man and poor Muslim 
(even though he may find time for his five prayers). Sometimes, tragically, Muslim men can 
fail out of simple ignorance of what their responsibilities entail, and make themselves suffer 
as well as their wives, quite needlessly. This is not what Allah intended for either of them in 
their marriage-and with a little effort and knowledge, it could so easily be put right. 
If a man is consistently refusing to provide the answer to his wife's du'a for his kind 
attention he must realise that he will find some awkward questions to answer when he 
eventually faces Judgment, and the books are opened to reveal all-no matter how shaming! 
He may have thought of himself as the 'best of Muslims,' without realising the truth of the 
words of the Prophet: 'the best of you are those who are kindest to their wives and families.' 
Imagine the shock, at the end of a pious lifetime of prayer and charity, of discovering that 
you had actually been guilty of cruelty towards your wife all those years, and were now 
called to account for it! Thankfully, every day is a new day, and it is never too late to 
make a fresh start and put things right. 'A Muslim's repentance is accepted until he 
gives the death rattle.' (Hadith in al-Hakim, Mustadrak.)