Microsoft Word Marriage Guide doc

Source: 
www.al-islamforall@org
 
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to use some artificial 'oils.' This lack of knowledge or consideration is where so many 
marital problems frequently arise. 
As Imam al-Ghazali says: 'Sex should begin with gentle words and kissing,' and 
Imam al-Zabidi adds: 'This should include not only the cheeks and lips; and then he 
should caress the breasts and nipples, and every part of her body.' (Zabidi, Ithaf al-Sada 
al-Muttaqin, V, 372.) Most men will not need telling this; but it should be remembered 
that failure to observe the Islamic practice is to neglect or deny the way Allah has 
created women. 
INSULTING A WIFE WITH BAD MARITAL MANNERS 
 
Firstly, a husband must overcome his shyness enough to actually look at his 
wife, and pay attention to her. If he cannot bring himself to follow this Sunnah, it is an 
insult to her, and extremely hurtful. Personal intimacy is a minefield of opportunities to 
hurt each other-glancing at the watch, a yawn at the wrong moment, appearing bored, 
and so on. A husband's duty is to convince his wife that he does love her-and this can only 
be done by word (constantly repeated word, I might add-such is the irritating nature of 
women!), and by looking and touching. 
Many people believe that the expression in the eyes reveals much of the human soul. 
Certainly the lover's gaze is a most endearing and treasured thing. Many wives yearn for that 
gaze of love, even after they have been married for years. 
If you cannot bring yourself to look at her while paying attention to her, she can only 
interpret this as a sign that you do not really love her. And even though it may be irritating 
to you, and 
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seem quite superfluous, most women are deeply moved when a man actually 
tells her that he loves her. 
 
SEX IS CLEAN! 
A modest upbringing is part of good character. The Prophet (P.B.U.H) himself said: 
'Modesty brings nothing but good.' (Bukhari and Muslim.) But another, also important part of 
Islamic teaching says that all of Allah's creation is beautiful and pure, particularly when it is 
part of the body of human beings, who are designed as His deputies upon the earth. In some 
religions, people traditionally believed that the woman's private parts are in some way 
unclean, or dirty, or even evil. In the Islamic view this is nonsense they are simply part of 
the way Allah created women. To criticise or to dislike this is to criticise our Maker himself, 
who out of His kindness gave women this equipment and opportunity for the physical 
expression of love and union. 
`If the woman is halal for him, he may look at all parts of her body.' (Zabidi, Ithaf 
al-Sada al-Muttaqin, V, 331) 'A husband is permitted to look at the private parts of his 
wife.' (Khurashi, Sharh Mukhtasar Khalil, III, 4) There is a very relevant ayah in the 
Qur'an which says: 'If you take a dislike to them, it may be that you dislike something 
through which Allah is bringing about much good.' (4:19) 
Anyone who finds his wife's sexual equipment distasteful is insulting her Creator, and 
ignoring His plan and wise reasons. 
Sex is not dirty if the couples are not dirty, either physically or in harbouring 'dirty' 
thoughts of self gratification and the abuse of the spouse. This should not be a problem for 
Muslims, who have such clear guidance on personal hygiene that their private parts are 
washed several times a day, which is not the case in any other religion. But in addition to 
the usual Muslim hygiene, if a man does feel that his wife is dirty, it is a simple matter to 
exert a husband's right as the boss and give her the order to wash. At the same time, the 
man has the duty to make sure he is clean himself! 
Some women feel exactly the same qualms about the cleanliness of a man's private 
parts as he might do for hers. Don't forget that a man actually does urinate and spend his 
seed from the same orifice, which is not true for the woman! Her urine comes from 
The Muslim Marriage Guide: Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood

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