Shepherding a Child's Heart

Teaching
Teaching is the process of imparting knowledge. Teaching is
causing someone to know something. Sometimes, teaching takes
place before it is needed. It is often most powerfully done after a
failure or problem. As a godly parent, you have much to impart.
Drawing upon knowledge of Scripture, you may teach your child to
understand himself, others, life, God’s revelation, and the world. You
must actively impart knowledge to your children.
Prayer
While prayer is not communication with the child but with God, it
is nevertheless an essential element of communication between the
parent and the child. Our most penetrating insights into our children
will often come as they pray. Understanding what they pray and how
they pray is often a window into their souls. In the same manner, the

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parent’s prayer provides instruction and insight for the child. I am not
suggesting that you pray for the child’s consumption, but that you
recognize that hearing your prayer will communicate your faith in
God to your child.
Summary
This is the point: Your communication with your children will
take many forms. The subtle and rich nuances of each of the forms of
communication outlined above must be reflected in your
communication with your children.
Each of the elements of this suggestive (by no means exhaustive)
list will be interwoven with the others to provide a rich tapestry of
communication.
For example, you may entreat in a way that warns or in a way that
encourages. Or you may instruct in a manner that rebukes or in a
manner that corrects. The elements of communication may be woven
together in many ways.
Application Questions for Chapter 9
1. What proportion of your communication is restricted to the
top block of figure 5?
2. When you find problems at home, do you expect to solve
them with a new set of rules and punishments, or with richer forms of
communication?
3. Outline how you would talk to your teen who seemed to have
stolen some money from you but would not admit it.
4. What are the “quality of relationship” issues that must be in
place if you are going to be able to entreat your child in winsome
ways?
5.
How would you encourage your child who had failed
miserably but seemed genuinely to desire God’s help?
6.
Of the nine types of communication mentioned in this

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chapter, at which ones are you most proficient? At which ones are you
least proficient?
7. Ultimately, communication is a reflection of the heart. “For
out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks” (Luke 6:45). What
are the “overflow of the heart” issues that impact your ability to
communicate effectively?

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Chapter 10
Embracing Biblical Methods: A Life of Communication
In 1978, our family built a house. As we worked, we talked about
things we would do when we finished building the house. In the
intervening years, we have put on an addition, remodeled the
bathroom and kitchen, and are preparing to dig for another addition.
We no longer talk about finishing the house. We realize that we will
always be retrofitting our home. There will always be some
improvement to be made.
Building our house has become more than an event in our life as a
family—it has become a lifestyle! Communication is like that.