Shepherding a Child's Heart

Application Questions for Chapter 8
1. Are you able to help your children express themselves?
2.
What should be your first communication objective in
responding to a problem with your children?
3. What are five or six good questions for drawing out what
your child is thinking or feeling?
4.
What changes would you have to make in your

---

conversational style if you were going to have a conversation like the
second example about the new sneakers?
5. Express in your own words what this statement means: “In
the process of helping your child understand his sin, you stand both
above him and beside him.”
6.
Do you understand the distinction drawn in this chapter
between the “what” of behavior and the “why” of behavior?

---

Chapter 9
Embracing Biblical Methods: Types of Communication
We often reduce parenting to these three elements: rules,
correction, punishment. It could be pictured like this:
This is how it works. You give your children the rules. The
correction phase comes into play when they break the rules. In the
punishment phase you announce the consequence they will receive for
breaking the rules. Every family needs its rules, correction, and
punishment, but for many this is the extent of communication.
This chapter discusses a rich dimension of communication that
must lie beneath and support all you say in providing rules, calling
your children to account and meting out appropriate discipline. The
chart should look like this:

---

On many occasions I have asked groups of parents what portion of
their parenting communication was done through rules, correction,
and punishment rather than these richer forms of communication.
Most parents will quickly acknowledge that 80 to 90 percent of their
communication is rules, correction, and punishment.