Shepherding a Child's Heart

Types of Communication
Communication must be multifaceted and richly textured. It must
include encouragement, correction, rebuke, entreaty, instruction,
warning, teaching, and prayer. All of these must be part of your
interaction with your children.
Paul instructs you in 1 Thessalonians 5 to modify your speech to
suit the need of the moment: “Warn those who are idle, encourage the
timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone” (1 Thessalonians
5:14). Paul’s point is that differing conditions in the hearer require
differing forms of speaking. You do great harm when you fail to
discern what type of communication is appropriate to the moment.
I recall making the mistake of sharply rebuking one of my sons
for looking sloppy. He was 7 or 8. It seemed to me that he looked as
though he was always disheveled. I was not wrong for talking with

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him about his appearance, but I was wrong in rebuking him when he
actually needed instruction. He was not rebelling. He had done
nothing to deserve censure. He simply needed patient instruction.
Days later, realizing I had wounded him, I had to seek his forgiveness
for my undeserved rebuke.
Let’s think through some simple definitions of various types of
communication.
Encouragement
Children need communication designed to inspire and fill with
hope and courage. I spoke one day with a youngster who had just
exploded in anger at classmates. Calmed down, he was able to speak
rationally. “It’s no use,” he said. “I just shouldn’t play. Every time I
do, someone makes me mad and this happens.” This was obviously
not a time for rebuke. This lad knew he was wrong. He had a sense of
his inability to change fundamental features of his personality. What
he needed was encouragement that Christ came because we are sinful
people who cannot change ourselves. Rebuke, or even instruction,
would have been inappropriate at the moment.
Your children know the pain of failure. They, like you, find things
looking hopeless at times.
You can help them assess the reasons for disappointment. You
need to help them understand the promises of God. You can
encourage them to find courage, hope and inspiration from God, who
draws near to the brokenhearted and contrite.