Shepherding a Child's Heart

Redemption Integrated with Life
All this communication gives children a biblical understanding of
mankind. It gives them a better understanding of themselves. It helps
them understand God’s standard. They learn that God is ultimate.
This provides a biblical grid for understanding life. They learn that
humanity’s problem is sin. We all sin and are sinned against. We are
both perpetrators and victims. For this reason, all of life must be
viewed in terms of God’s redemptive restoration of man.
They see the centrality of the gospel of grace. Jesus Christ came
to this earth and lived the life that all men and women should live. He
fully obeyed the law of God, and through faith his obedience can be
imputed to them. They learn that in Jesus one can find forgiveness,
renewal, and empowerment. The more profoundly they know
themselves and their neediness, the more deeply they will understand
their need of the internal change and power that grace brings.
They see how knowing and loving God—finding grace, power, and
fullness in him—answers their deepest needs. All of life is lived
through the power and grace of the gospel. Christ is relevant
everywhere for everything.
In this way, your kids are provided with a grid through which to
filter the events of life when you’re not there to provide direction and
correction They are trained to be independent, trained to stand on
their own without parental support. What better training is there than
to equip your child to understand life through a biblical, redemptive
grid?
Children can go off to college and develop nurturing relationships
both with fellow students and with the Christian community. We
should not be surprised; they are simply finding new relationships
like the ones they have enjoyed at home.
Is It Worth the Cost?

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The benefits are great, and doubtless other benefits could be
deduced. Every parent wants the things outlined above for his child.
But what about the costs?
To be sure, these things do not come cheap. The cost is great. It
requires being available and fully engaged in parenting.
There is a simple way to look at the cost of deep, full-orbed
communication. You must regard parenting as one of your most
important tasks while you have children at home. This is your calling.
You must raise your children in the fear and admonition of the Lord.
You cannot do so without investing yourself in a life of sensitive
communication in which you help them understand life and God’s
world. There is nothing more important. You have only a brief season
of life to invest yourself in this task. You have only one opportunity
to do it. You cannot go back and do it over.
You live in a culture in which there are opportunities for you to do
things unheard of in history. You are presented daily with scores of
options for investing your life’s energies and creatvitycreativity.
There is more than you could ever do. You must, therefore, prioritize.
Parenting is your primary calling. Parenting will mean that you
can’t do all the things that you could otherwise do. It will affect your
golf handicap. It may mean your home does not look like a picture
from Better Homes and Gardens. It will impact your career and ascent
on the corporate ladder. It will alter the kind of friendships you will
be available to pursue. It will influence the kind of ministry you are
able to pursue. It will modify the amount of time you have for
bowling, hunting, television, or how many books you read. It will
mean that you can’t develop every interest that comes along. The
costs are high.
How can you measure the cost against the benefits? I have spent
time with broken parents. I have seen the drawn faces of parents who
have known the heartbreak of seeing their children fleeing a home in
which they had not been understood or engaged by their parents. I

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have also known the joy of hearing children who have been biblically
engaged by their parents say, “Dad, I am amazed at how thoroughly I
have been prepared for life. I will always be grateful for what you and
Mom have given me.” What price tag can a parent place on that?
God calls you to invest yourself in this way with your children.
This kind of communication is not just beneficial, it is mandated! It is
the path of blessing because it is the path of obedience. Is this kind of
communication expensive? Yes! But the benefits far exceed the cost.
In the beginning of chapter 7, I laid out two methods for
childrearing—communication and the rod. In the next chapter we will
look at the place of the rod in biblical parenting.