Shepherding a Child's Heart

I’m Afraid I Will Hurt Him
Often Christian parents respond negatively to the biblical concept
of the “rod” because they have endured abusive corporal punishment
in their childhood. The term rod brings to their minds angry parents
flailing their children in an uncontrolled rage. Such behavior is not a
biblical use of the rod. It is child abuse.
Some parents are apprehensive about hurting their children. They
fear that some physical damage may result from corporal punishment.
Proverbs 23:13–14 anticipates this objection. “Do not withhold
discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not
die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.”
Biblically-balanced discipline never physically endangers a child.
I’m Afraid It Will Make Him Rebellious and Angry
As a parent, you want your children to love and appreciate you.
You want them to think Mom and Dad are great. You want them to
feel you are loving and kind. You may fear that spanking will make
them think of you as cruel and harsh. You may fear that discipline
will bring out the worst in them. Proverbs 29:17 states the opposite:
“Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight
to your soul.”
Rather than discipline yielding angry, sullen children, it yields
children who are at peace with you. It produces children in whom you
delight.
This is true not only in the long term, but also in the short term.

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Administering a spanking in the manner laid out in chapter 15 yields
a child who is engaged and happy—even immediately after a
spanking.
I am Afraid of Teaching Them to Hit
Many parents worry that spanking will model hitting as a means
of solving problems. The danger of children seeing hitting as an
appropriate response to frustration will arise only if parents are
spanking in anger. If the procedure outlined for spanking in chapter
15 is followed, the spanking will never be an expression of anger or
frustration. Children will be able to recognize that what they do when
they strike someone in anger is very different from the patient and
gracious use of the rod outlined in this book.
It Doesn’t Work
This objection requires further examination of a parent’s specific
practice. Years of pastoral experience have persuaded me that cases
of the rod not working can be summarized as follows:
A) The primary reason spanking can be ineffective is spanking
in anger. Children will not willingly submit themselves to the
authority of an angry, out-of-control parent. There is an innate sense
of justice in a child; they will inwardly resist submitting their hearts
to a parent who bullies them. They may cower. They may even
respond to the punishment out of fear, but they will not willingly
place themselves under the authority of a parent who disciplines in
unholy anger.
B)
Inconsistent use of the rod. The child never knew what
would elicit a spanking. Therefore, he was always testing the parent.
C)
Failure to persist. Some folks never try anything long
enough for it to work. They give the rod a couple of days. Their

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children are not transformed overnight. They give up in
discouragement.
D)
Failure to be effective. I have witnessed spankings
administered through a double layer of diapers to a child who never
stopped moving long enough to know he had been spanked. The
spanking was ineffective because the parents never made the rod felt.