Shepherding a Child's Heart

The Best of Both
If you focus exclusively on either the rod or communication, you
will be like a ship with all the cargo loaded on one side. You won’t
sail very well. Communication and the rod are not stand-alone
methods. They are designed to work together.
This is the point of Hebrews 12:5–6: “You have forgotten that
word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: ‘My son, do not
make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he
rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he
punishes everyone he accepts as a son.’ ”
Your children need to be known and understood—thus rich
communication is necessary. They also need authority. They need
limits that are clear and correction that is predictable—thus the rod is
necessary.
The use of the rod preserves biblically rooted, parental authority.
The emphasis on rich communication prohibits cold, tyrannical
discipline.
Obviously, the primacy of one or the other of these methods will
depend on the ages of your children. We will focus on this in greater
depth in the second part of this book.
Some parents have a greater facility for either communication or
the rod. It is good to be sensitive to the nonbiblical distortions of

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each. The person who is comfortable with the rod can fall into the
distortion of being authoritarian. A parent for whom communication
is natural and easy may tend toward permissiveness. Authoritarian
parents tend to lack kindness. Permissive parents tend to lack
firmness. Assess which distortion of biblical training you would tend
toward. Strive for greater balance.
Application Questions for Chapter 11
1. What is the problem in your children that requires the use of
the rod?
2. What is the function of the rod?
3. Whom has God authorized to discipline children with the
rod?
4. Review the common objections to the rod. Have any of these
been your objection?
5. Name several distortions of the rod.
6.
How would you describe the relationship between
communication and the rod? Which method is easier for you?

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Chapter 12
Embracing Biblical Methods: Appeal to the Conscience
It wasn’t a fast-paced program. Perhaps that is why it caught my
eye. It was late and my day had been fast-paced enough for me! I had
no appetite for the melodrama of someone else’s life. The man on the
TV spoke flatly. In a gently monotonous voice he explained his craft.
He was a painter. I came in while he was preparing the canvas.
“You can’t just begin painting,” he droned. Before the color,
before the texture, before the hues and activity of the painting, the
artist puts a wash on the canvas. The wash is the background for all
the activity of the painting. The art presupposes the wash.
This chapter is such a wash. The past several chapters discussed
communication and the rod. Two issues—appeal to the conscience
and focusing on God’s redemptive work—have been implied in our
consideration of communication and the rod. These issues give
biblical shape and structure to our parenting.