A new Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated

Should I reward my child for doing Plan B? 
Fewer explosions and getting along better with you are 
usually reward enough. 
So, does using this approach mean that rewards and 
punishments are completely out of the picture? 
Not necessarily. But by now you should have a very real-
istic sense of what rewards and punishments can and can’t 
help you achieve and an awareness of the special care re-
quired when using consequences with an explosive child. 
The real question is this: Will additional motivation en-
hance your child’s performance at any point along the 
way? The answer: probably not. But let’s think about it. 

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160 
The Explosive Child 
The first thing you’d want to be convinced of is that 
your child actually needs additional motivation. Our phi-
losophy, that children do well if they can, suggests that 
your child is already sufficiently motivated. Second, you’d 
want to be sure that motivational strategies are worth the 
potential price. Many an explosion has been precipitated 
by the delivery of a punishment or the loss of an antici-
pated reward. 
Engaging children in discussions about how they can 
make amends for an act committed in the midst of frus-
tration can be far more productive than punishment. 
Such discussions should not take place during or imme-
diately after explosions but rather once rational thinking 
has been fully restored. Here’s what such a discussion 
might sound like: 
Parent: Carlos, we need to talk a little about the 
table you broke yesterday. 
Child: I said I was sorry. 
Parent: I know, and it was very nice of you to say 
that. But I still feel very bad about the broken 
table, and we still need to figure out what you 
can do to help me feel better.