A new Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated

Child: Like what? 
Parent: I don’t know. Can you think of anything you 
could do that would make me feel better? 
Child: You could punish me. 

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Learning Curves 
161 
Parent: I don’t know if punishing you would make me 
feel better. And it certainly hasn’t kept you from 
breaking things. I was thinking there might be some 
things you could help me with around the house. 
Child: I could sweep the floors. 
Parent: That’s an idea. That would be very helpful. Is 
that something you’d do to help me feel better? 
Child: Yes. Or I could help you take out the trash. 
Parent: I think it would be most helpful for you to 
sweep the floors. That would make me feel a lot 
better. Maybe next time you get frustrated you 
could let me help you instead of breaking the 
table. 
Child: I’ll try. 
What about time-out? 
Some children actually find time-out to be a good place 
to calm down when they’re frustrated, although this is the 
exception, since time-out is usually used as a punishment. 
More commonly, the explosions of many children are actu-
ally exacerbated—sometimes dramatically so—if someone 
makes any kind of physical contact with them when they’re 
frustrated. So if time-out simply fuels your child’s explo-
sions, forget it. Even under optimal circumstances, time-out 
is typically not recommended for older children and ado-
lescents. 

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162 
The Explosive Child 
On the other hand, it can be productive to help par-
ents and children agree to go their separate ways—with 
each going to different designated rooms of the house— 
when it becomes obvious that a discussion is going poorly 
or is not going to be resolved immediately. Not all explo-
sive children will follow through on this plan, but a sur-
prising number will. The discussion resumes after 
everyone has calmed down and had a chance to think a 
little.