A new Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated

Child: I could remind you of your promise. 
Adult: That would be very helpful. What should I do if 
you slip up and tell me a lie? 
Child: You could remind me of my promise. 
Adult: I think we’ve got a plan. Let’s see how it works. 
If it doesn’t work too well, we’ll talk again and see 
if we can figure out what to do instead. 
Child: OK. 
What if you thought that your adolescent daughter 
was having unprotected sex with her boyfriend and you 
had some concerns about that? With Plan A you’re start-
ing the conversation by saying “You must not have sex 
with your boyfriend,” in which case the conversation 
wouldn’t take place because you ended the discussion 
before it even got started. With Plan C you’re not having 
the conversation because you’re not raising the topic. 
And here’s what it looks like with Plan B: 
Parent: Can we talk about something? 
Daughter: Like what? 
Parent: Like you and Kenny. 
Daughter: Oh, no, here we go again. 

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Learning Curves 
173 
Parent: No, wait—I just want to talk. I’m not going to 
lecture you. 
Daughter: Yeah, right. 
Parent: Look, I know you have very strong feelings 
for Kenny and you want to show him how you 
feel. 
Daughter: I do not want to talk about this with 
you. 
Parent: I know. This isn’t exactly a walk in the park for 
me, either. But I’m concerned about you. 
Daughter: Don’t be, I’m fine. 
Parent: I can’t help it. Mothers worry about their 
daughters. 
Daughter: Thank you for worrying about me. This is 
none of your business. 
Parent: Can you just bear with me for one second? 
Even if it’s none of my business.