A new Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated

My explosive child has siblings who are nonexplosive 
and respond to Plan A. Am I supposed to have two 
different types of discipline going on in my house-
hold at the same time? 
Kids who respond to Plan A also tend to respond to Plan 
B, so if you want to be consistent, do Plan B with your non-
explosive kids, too. But here’s another angle: There isn’t a 
household in the world where all the children are treated 
exactly the same. In all households, one child is getting 
something another isn’t getting. Fair does not mean equal. 
Your nonexplosive children want your explosive child to 
stop exploding more than they want everyone to be treated 
exactly the same. More on siblings, though, in chapter 9. 
How come my child explodes at home but not at 
school? Doesn’t that prove he can hold it together 
when he feels like it? 
Well, more likely it proves something we already knew: 
that he explodes only under certain conditions. Schools 
have a few advantages over homes. The schedule is more 
predictable (that’s helpful for some explosive kids), 
there’s less unstructured time (that’s helpful for some ex-

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Learning Curves 
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plosive kids), and your child’s medicine (especially if it’s a 
stimulant) is in full effect during school hours. But the 
main advantage schools have is the embarrassment factor: 
Your child is keeping himself very tightly wrapped at 
school because he doesn’t want to embarrass himself. Then 
he gets home and unravels because he’s put so much en-
ergy into staying tightly wrapped at school. See, he can’t 
keep himself tightly wrapped twenty-four hours a day. 
Homes aren’t as structured and predictable as most 
schools, and homes don’t have the embarrassment factor.