A new Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated

Mother (squatting down to Charlotte’s level): Is there 
something about going to the beach today that’s 
bothering you? You usually can’t wait to go to the 
beach. 
Charlotte: It’s too early to go to the beach! 
Mother: I don’t know what you mean that it’s too 
early to go to the beach. 
Charlotte: We don’t usually go to the beach until 
after church. We never go to the beach in the 
morning. 
Mother (Refined Empathy): It’s bothering you that we 
don’t usually go to the beach in the morning. 
Charlotte: We never go to the beach in the morning. 
We can’t go right now. 
Mother (Defining the Problem): I’m glad you told me 
what was the matter. The thing is, we’re all ready 
to go. But let’s think about this a little. Maybe we 
can figure out what to do. 
Much nicer. 
My child has to have each solution spelled out in per-
fect detail. Is this normal? 
Many explosive kids don’t handle ambiguity in their 
lives well, and this extends to their solutions to problems. 

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166 
The Explosive Child 
So statements like “OK, we’ll do that later” or “We’ll go 
there soon” or “You can do that for a while” have the po-
tential to fuel their frustration, even in the context of 
Plan B. 
Trent (sitting in the backseat of the family car): I need 
something to eat. 
Mother (in the role of genius and lucking out, 
temporarily): We’ll stop for something very soon. 
Trent: OK. 
[Five minutes of silence elapse.] 
Trent (with agitation): I thought you said we were 
stopping to eat! 
Mother: I said we’d stop soon. 
Trent (with significantly greater agitation): I can’t 
wait! You said we were stopping!