A new Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated

But I still have the feeling that some of my child’s be-
havior is planned and willful. How do I tell the differ-
ence? 
The last thing you’d want to try to do at times when 
your child is becoming frustrated is to quickly try to fig-
ure out whether his behavior is planned or unplanned. 
You don’t have a whole lot of time to spare, and it isn’t 
easy to tell. So there are essentially two possible mistakes 
you can make at such moments. The first is to think your 
child’s behavior is unplanned and unintentional when it 
really isn’t. The second is thinking your child’s behavior is 
planned and intentional when it really isn’t. If you have 
to make an error, make the first error. In other words, 
when in doubt, respond as if your child’s behavior is 
unplanned and unintentional. The ramifications of the 
second error are much more serious. 

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Learning Curves 
163 
My child becomes frustrated about things that don’t 
involve interactions with me or other people. He 
just gets really frustrated with something he’s doing, 
like playing PlayStation. Or sometimes he has a de-
layed response to a frustration that happened ear-
lier in the day. What then? 
It’s true, there are times when it seems as if there’s noth-
ing to work out because your child’s frustration didn’t in-
volve you or another person. And there are instances in 
which a child’s frustration at the moment is a delayed re-
sponse to an earlier frustration, such as something that hap-
pened in school. But your role remains the same: to find out 
what’s up and help solve the problem (perhaps with Emer-
gency B today, but with Proactive B tomorrow if the prob-
lem was really quite predictable). 
Mother (standing on the front walk to the house): 
Charlotte, we’re waiting for you to get in the car 
so we can go to the beach.