little girl this type of intimacy was her dream. His pulling away was a tremendous shock to her.
To the vulnerable little girl within her it was an experience of giving candy to a baby and then
taking it away. She became very upset.
76
Martian and Venusian Logic
Cathy's experience of abandonment is hard for a Martian to understand. Martian logic says "I
have been so wonderful for the past two weeks. Shouldn't that entitle me to a little time off? I
have been giving to you all this time, now it's time for me. You should be more secure and
reassured about my love than ever."
Venusian logic approaches the experience differently: "These last two weeks have been so
wonderful. I have let myself open up to you more than ever. Losing your loving attention is
more painful than ever. I started to really open up and then you pulled away."
How Past Feelings Come Up
By not fully trusting and opening up, Cathy had spent years protecting herself from being hurt.
But during their two weeks of living in love she started to open up more than she ever had in
her adult life. Harris's support had made it safe for her to get in touch with her old feelings.
Suddenly she began to feel the way she felt as a child when her father was too busy for her. Her
past unresolved feelings of anger and powerlessness were projected onto Harris's watching TV.
if these feelings had not come up, Cathy would have been able gracefully to accept Harris's
wish to watch TV.
Because her past feelings were coming up, she felt hurt when he watched TV. If given the
chance to share and explore her hurt, deep feelings would have emerged. Cathy would have hit
Do'stlaringiz bilan baham: |
