John Gray – Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus Scanned by nova scanner: Canoscan D1250 U2f software: Omnipage Pro 9 Date: 28 August 2002 Proofed by

he was fighting to be free. He learned that by supporting her need to be heard she could 
support his need to be free. 
 
Cathy understood that Harris did not mean to invalidate her hurt feelings. In addition she 
understood that though he was pulling away he would be back and they would be able to 
experience intimacy again. She realized that their increased intimacy had triggered his need to 
pull away. She learned that her hurt feelings made him feel controlled, and he needed to feel 
she was not trying to tell him what he could do. 
What a Woman Can Do When He Can't Listen 
 
Harris asked, "What if I just can't listen and I need to be in my cave? Sometimes, I start to listen 
and I become furious." 
 
I assured him that this is normal. When her wave crashes and she needs to be heard the most, 
sometimes his rubber band is triggered and he needs to pull away. He cannot give her what she 
needs. He emphatically agreed and said, "Yes, that's right. When I want to pull away, she wants 
to talk." 
 
When a man needs to pull away and a woman needs to talk, his trying to listen only makes 

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matters worse. After a short time he either will be judging her and possibly explode with anger 
or he will become incredibly tired or distracted, and she will become more upset. When he is 
not capable of listening attentively with caring, understanding, and respect, these three actions 
can help: 
 
THREE STEPS FOR SUPPORTING HER
WHEN HE NEEDS TO PULL AWAY 
 
1. Accept Your Limitations 
The first thing you need to do is accept that you need to pull away and have nothing to give. No