Chris did not realize that money could not prevent Pam from being upset. When her wave
would crash, they fought because he would invalidate her need to be upset. Ironically, the
richer they became the more they fought.
When they were poor, money was the major focus of her pain, but as they became more
financially secure she became more aware of what she was not getting emotionally. This
progression is natural, normal, and predictable.
80
A Wealthy Woman Needs More Permission to Be Upset
I remember reading this quote in an article: "A wealthy woman can only get empathy from a
wealthy psychiatrist." When a woman has a lot of money, people (and especially her husband)
do not give her the right to be upset. She has no permission to be like a wave and crash from
time to time. She has no permission to explore her feelings or to need more in any area of her
life.
A woman with money is expected to be fulfilled all the time because her life could be so much
worse without this financial abundance. This expectation is not only impractical but
disrespectful. Regardless of wealth, status, privilege, or circumstances, a woman needs
permission to be upset and allow her wave to crash.
Chris was encouraged when he realized he could make his wife happy. He remembered he had
validated his wife's feelings when they were poor, and he could do it again even if they were
rich. Instead of feeling hopeless, he realized he did know how to support her. He had just
gotten sidetracked by thinking his money should make her happy when really his caring and
understanding of her had been the source of her contentment.
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