handle negative feelings and are willing to do so. In that case even monster letters can be very
helpful.
8. Displacement Love Letter. When present events upset you and remind you of unresolved
feelings from childhood, imagine you can go back in time and write a letter to one of your
parents, sharing your feelings and asking for their support.
WHY WE NEED TO WRITE LOVE LETTERS
As we have explored throughout this book, it is vastly important for women to share their
feelings and feel cared for, understood, and respected. It is equally important for men to feel
appreciated, accepted, and trusted. The biggest problem in relationships occurs when a woman
shares her upset feelings and, as a result, a man feels unloved.
To him, her negative feelings may sound critical, blaming, demanding, and resentful. When he
rejects her feelings, she then feels unloved. The success of a relationship is solely dependent on
two factors: a man's ability to listen lovingly and respectfully to a woman's feelings, and a
woman's ability to share her feelings in a loving and respectful way.
A relationship requires that partners communicate their changing feelings and needs. To expect
perfect communication is certainly too idealistic. Fortunately, between here and perfection
there is a lot of room for growth.
Realistic Expectations
137
To expect communication always to be easy is unrealistic. Some feelings are very difficult to
communicate without hurting the listener. Couples who have wonderful and loving
relationships will sometimes agonize over how to communicate in a way that works for both
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