Technique.
lf Our Positions Were Different
Had our past been different, we would have watched our father successfully and lovingly listen
to our mother expand and express her frustrations and disappointments. Daily we would have
experienced our father giving our mother the loving caring and understanding that she needed
from her loving husband.
We would have watched our mother trusting our father and sharing her feelings openly,
without disapproving or blaming him. We would have experienced how a person could be
upset without pushing someone away with mistrust, emotional manipulation, avoidance,
disapproval, condescension, or coldness.
Throughout our eighteen years of growing up we would gradually be able to master our own
emotions just as we have mastered walking or math. It would be a learned skill, like walking,
jumping, singing, reading, and balancing a checkbook.
But it didn't happen that way for most of us. Instead we spent eighteen years learning
unsuccessful communication skills. Because we lack education in how to communicate
feelings, it is a difficult and seemingly insurmountable task to communicate lovingly when we
are having negative feelings.
138
To come to understand how difficult this is, consider your answers to these following
questions:
1. When you are feeling angry or resentful, how do you express love if, while you were growing
up, your parents either argued or conspired to avoid arguing?
2. How do you get your kids to listen to you without yelling or punishing them if your parents
Do'stlaringiz bilan baham: |
