suggest to me a better way I could say it?" This helps him to prepare himself for the shock and
then he happily discovers that it is not such a big deal.
Let's explore another example. If she doesn't like his table manners and they are alone, she
could say (without a disapproving look) "Would you use your silverware?" or "Would you
drink from your glass?" If, however, you are in front of others, it is wise to say nothing and not
even notice. Another day you could say "Would you use your silverware when we eat in front
of the kids?" or "When you eat with your fingers, I hate it. I get so picky about these little
things. When you eat with me, would you use your silverware?"
If he behaves in a way that embarrasses you, wait for a time when no one else is around and
then share your feelings. Don't ten him how he "should behave" or that he is wrong; instead
share honest feelings in a loving and brief way. You could say "The other night at the party, I
didn't like it when you were so loud. When I'm around, would you try to keep it down?" If he
gets upset and doesn't like this comment, then simply apologize for being critical.
This art of giving negative feedback and asking for support is discussed thoroughly in chapters
9 and 12. In addition, the best times for having these conversations is explored in the next
chapter.
When a Man Doesn't Need Help
A man may start to feel smothered when a woman tries to comfort him or help him solve a
problem. He feels as though she doesn't trust him to handle his problems. He may feel
controlled, as if she is treating him like a child, or he may feel she wants to change him.
This doesn't mean that a man does not need comforting love. Women need to understand that
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