John Gray – Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus Scanned by nova scanner: Canoscan D1250 U2f software: Omnipage Pro 9 Date: 28 August 2002 Proofed by

of others is a feather in their cap. (While. for a woman, when someone assists her, having a 
supportive relationship is a feather in her cap.) A man feels supported when a woman 
communicates in a way that says, "I trust you to handle things unless you directly ask for help." 
 
Learning to support men in this way can be very difficult in the beginning. Many women feel 
that the only way they can get what they need in a relationship is to criticize a man when he 
makes mistakes and to offer unsolicited advice. Without a role model of a mother who knew 
how to receive support from a man, it does not occur to women that they can encourage a man 
to give more by directly asking for support-without being critical or offering advice. In 
addition, if he behaves in a manner that she does not like she can simply and directly tell him 
that she doesn't like his behavior, without casting judgment that he is wrong or bad. 
 
Now to Approach a Man With Criticism or Advice 
 
Without an understanding of how they are turning men off with unsolicited advice and 
criticism, many women feel powerless to get what they need and want from a man. Nancy was 
frustrated in her relationships. She said, "I still don't know how to approach a man with 
criticism and advice. What if his table manners are atrocious or he dresses really, really badly? 
What if he's a nice guy but you see he's got a pattern of behaving with people in a way that 
makes him look like a jerk and that's causing him trouble In relationships with others? What 
should I do? No matter how I tell him, he gets angry or defensive or just ignores me." 
 
The answer is that she should definitely not offer criticism or advice unless he asks. Instead, 
she should try giving him loving acceptance. This is what he needs, not lectures. As he begins