seeks relief by expressing herself and being understood. By randomly talking about her
problems, she becomes less upset.
As a man under stress tends to focus on one problem and forget others, a woman under stress
tends to expand and become overwhelmed by all problems. By talking about all possible
problems without focusing on problem solving she feels better. Through exploring her feelings
in this process she gains a greater awareness of what is really bothering her, and then suddenly
she is no longer so overwhelmed.
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To feel better, women talk about past problems, future problems, potential problems, even
problems that have no solutions. The more talk and exploration, the better they feel. This is the
way women operate. To expect otherwise is to deny a woman her sense of self.
When a woman is overwhelmed she finds relief through talking in great detail about her
various problems. Gradually, if she feels she is being heard, her stress disappears. After talking
about one topic she will pause and then move on to the next. In this way she continues to
expand talking about problems, worries, disappointments, and frustrations. These topics need
not be in any order and tend to be logically unrelated. If she feels she is not being understood,
her awareness may expand even further, and she may become upset about more problems.
Just as a man who is stuck in the cave needs little problems to distract him, a woman who
doesn't feel heard will need to talk about other problems that are less immediate to feel relief.
To forget her own painful feelings she may become emotionally involved in the problems of
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