Without understanding the validity of her reactions, a man commonly defends himself, and
they argue. These are five common misunderstandings:
1. When she says "You don't listen," he says "What do you mean I don't listen. I can tell you
everything you said."
When a man is in the cave he can record what she is saying with the 5 percent of mind that is
listening. A man reasons that if he is listening with 5 percent, then he is listening. However,
what she is asking for is his full undivided attention.
2. When she says "I feel like you are not even here," he says "What do you mean I'm not here?
Of course I am here. Don't you see my body?"
He reasons that if his body is present then she shouldn't say he is not there. However, though
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his body is present, she doesn't feel his full presence, and that is what she means.
3. When she says "You don't care about me," he says "Of course I care about you. Why do you
think I am trying to solve this problem?"
He reasons that because he is preoccupied with solving a problem that will in some way benefit
her, she should know he cares for her. However, she needs to feel his direct attention and
caring, and that is what she is really asking for.
4. When she says "I feel like I am not important to you," he says "That's ridiculous. Of course
you are important."
He reasons that her feelings are invalid because he is solving problems to benefit her. He
doesn't realize that when he focuses on one problem and ignores the problems she is bothered
by that almost any woman would have the same reaction and take it personally and feel
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