Microsoft Word Marriage Guide doc

Source: 
www.al-islamforall@org
 
63
model or a film-star, and may have all sorts of physical defects-but she loves you very much, 
and it is bad-mannered and wrong to hurt her feelings or deliberately make her jealous. 
Remember that film-stars and models are forever young and willing to please, whereas real 
humans get older, have aches and pains, get tired, and may not be overcome with 
enthusiasm for you. Remember that you too are not getting any younger! And remember 
that you should not be looking at those other women anyway... (See 24:30-31). 
'Beware of envy, for envy devours good works as fire devours wood.' (Hadith in Ibn 
Majah.) 
Temptation. Just because a person gets married, they are not suddenly made 
blind, or incapable of feeling a sudden urge for someone outside the marriage. It is vital 
that one deals promptly with the urge, so that the marriage partner is not hurt, the 
marriage is not weakened, and the possibility of major sin is averted. 
A hadith tells us that the eye can commit zina. And as Imam al-Ghazali points 
out: 
'The zina of the eye is one of the major faults, and soon leads on to a mortal and 
obscene sin, which is the zina of the flesh. The man who is unable to turn away his eyes 
will not be able to safeguard himself against unchastity.' (Disciplining the Soul) 
In the Holy Qur'an (24:30-1) we read: 
'Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and preserve their chastity. That is 
purer for them. Assuredly, Allah is Aware of what they do. And tell the believing women 
to lower their gaze and preserve their chastity...' And the Prophet (P.B.U.H) said: 
'A gaze is a poisoned arrow from Satan. Whoever abstains from it in fear of Allah 
shall receive from Him an increase in faith, the sweetness of which he shall feel in his 
heart.' (Ibn Hanbal) 
The Prophet Yahya was once asked: `How does fornication begin?' and he replied: 
'With looking and wishing.' 
No-one should ever be too confident about his or her ability to control the sex 
drive. Al-Fayyad Ibn Najih said: 'When a man's penis becomes erect, two-thirds of his 
reason departs.' It is for this reason that khalwa-being a lone with a non-mahrarn 
member of the opposite sex-is not permitted. Often taqwa is the only force powerful 
enough to save human beings from the disaster of adultery-and it is easy to overestimate 
the degree of one's own piety! 
'A leading man of Basra once went into his garden. By chance his eye fell upon 
the beautiful wife of his gardener. He sent the fellow away on some business and said to 
the woman: 'Shut the gates!' She replied: 'I have shut them all, except for one which I 
cannot shut.' 'Which one is that?' he asked, and she replied: 'The gate that is between us 
and Allah.' On receiving this answer the man repented, and asked for Allah's forgiveness.' 
(Ghazali, Disciplining the Soul, xxxix.) 
Thrush
. A fungal infection usually of the female sex organs. Canesten HC cream 
is available from chemists, and will solve the problem very quickly. The husband should 
also be treated, as it is possible that he has caught i t as well, and may be showing flu-
like symptoms. If he is not treated, the woman will be cured and then re-infected. 
Timing
. It is bad manners to leave your sexual activity until you have gone to bed 
exhausted. It is a kind of insult, and a marital time-bomb. People's sleep-patterns are 
important: if a husband comes to bed at midnight, while the wife has dropped off just 
after the last prayer, midnight may feel early to him and she may be groggy if she is 
woken from a deep sleep. Tempers are found to be frayed in the morning. 
People are usually either 'owls' (active at night) or 'larks' (active in the early 
morning). If your partner is the opposite to you, you must sort out an acceptable compro-
mise routine. Be considerate, and compliment your spouse by setting aside proper and 
suitable times for lovemaking, especially during Ramadan.