Opinion essay: correction = pink

PROBLEM/SOLUTION ESSAYS:

TOPIC: MORE AND MORE CHILDREN ARE GETTING ADDICTED TO THEIR PHONES. WHAT PROBLEMS CAN IT CAUSE? HOW TO PREVENT?

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  CAUSE: MAKE IT HARD FOR THEM TO SLEEP AT NIGHTS
  
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  SOLUTION: ENCOURAGE THEM PURSUE HOBBIES
  

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  INRODUCTION: AN INCREASING NUMBER OF CHILDREN ARE PREOCCUPYING (PREOCCUPIED) WITH TECHNOLOGICAL ADVANCEMENTS. THE PRIMARY ISSUE CAUSED BY SPENDING TIME IN FRONT OF SCREEN IS THAT CHILDEN MAY FIND IT CHALLENGING TO SLEEPP AT NIGHTS, BUT THOSE PROBLEMS (THIS PROBLEM) CAN BE DEALT WITH BY ENCOURAGING THEM PURSUE DIFFERENT HOBBIES.
  
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  TOPIC SENTENCE 1: THE PROBLEM WHY THE MAJORITY OF YOUNGSTERS (CHILDREN) ARE BEING DEPENDENT ON GADGETS CAN CAUSE NEGATIVE IMPACT ON SLEEP TIME.THIS IS TO SAY, MILLIONS OF CHILDREN AROUND THE WORLD NOWADAYS PREFER TO USE THEIR GADGETS BEFORE GOING TO BED.BY UTILIZING THESE TECHNOLOGICAL ADVANCEMENTS, THEY ARE DISTRACTED AND KEPT AWAKE WHOLE NIGHT. HAVING ENGAGED LONG ON THEIR SMARTPHONES, A CHILD’S MIND STAYS ACTIVE, PREVENTS THEM FROM HAVING A PROPER SLEEP, AND MAKES THEM PASSIVE IN THE MORNING, AFTER ALL.
  
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  TOPIC SENTENCE 2: FOSTERING THEM TO TAKE UP VARIETY OF HOBBIES IS THAT THE MOST EFFECTIVE WAY TO COPE WITH THIS ISSUE. CHILDREN TEND TO THINK THAT ENGAGING INTO A NEW HOBBY IS DIFFICULT; HOWEVER EVERY HOBBY PROVIDES A SENSE OF PURPOSE AND FULFILLMENT.WHEN THEY HAVE HOBBIES THAT THEY ENJOY, THEY ARE MORE LIKELY TO ENJOY THEIR SPARE TIME AND ACHIEVE GREAT THINGS IN THEIR LIVES. HOBBIES CAN HELP CHILDREN REDUCE THE NEED TO CONSTANTLY CHECKING THEIR SMARTPHONES FOR ENTERTAINMENT.