Shepherding a Child's Heart

Can I Use Time-Out Instead of Spanking?

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Many times in discussions after teaching about spanking I have
had conversations that go something like this: “Tedd, I love all the
stuff you are teaching, the circle of blessing, the emphasis on the
grace of the gospel, the importance of communication; it’s all great.
But here’s the deal, I don’t like spanking; can’t I use time-outs
instead?”
You do not have the right to substitute what God has commanded
with the popular ideas of the culture. God calls parents to spank their
children. As a parent you do not have the right to say, “I don’t like
God’s idea; I like my idea or the culture’s plan better.”
You need to trust God and obey God. That said, if you have a
rambunctious 2-year-old, it may be appropriate to say “Here, honey,
you need to sit for a minute and calm down. Here is a book you can
look at; I’ll let you know when you are allowed to get up.” Or if
something ugly has transpired, to say to your 8-year-old, “You need
to go to your room and think about what you said, or what you did. I
will come and speak with you later.” Neither of these are wrong
things to do, but you cannot substitute time-out for spanking.
What If My Child Says, “But I Didn’t Hear You”?
I have never challenged the validity of this statement, but I have
taught my children that it was not acceptable. One of our children
seemed to have much trouble with “hearing.”
We sat down with this child and had this conversation: “You are
having trouble hearing. I am speaking to you in normal conversational
tones. I am in close enough proximity for you to hear me. I think,
therefore, that you better start to develop the ability to pick my voice
out of the other noise in your world. When you hear my voice, you
should perk up your ears. From now on, if you fail to obey because
you ‘did not hear’, I will spank you for failing to listen to my voice.”
We only had one spanking for failure to hear. After that the
hearing problem cleared up.

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