The 50th Law (with 50 Cent)

The Sympathy Strategy: Somehow the person you are dealing
with is always the victim—of irrational hostility, of unfair
circumstances, of society in general. You notice with these types that

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they seem to relish the drama in their stories. No one else suffers as
they do. If you are careful, you can detect a vaguely bored expression
when they listen to other people’s problems; they are not so engaged.
Because they play up their supposed helplessness, you will naturally
feel sympathetic, and once they elicit this, they will ask for favors, extra
care, and attention. That is the control they are after. They are
hypersensitive to any signs of doubt on your face, and they don’t want
to hear advice or how they might be slightly to blame. They may
explode and classify you as one of the victimizers.
What might make this hard to see through is that often they do
suffer through unusual adversity and personal pain, but they are
masters at attracting the pain. They choose partners who will
disappoint them; they have a bad attitude at work and attract criticism;
they are negligent with details, and so things around them fall apart. It
is not malicious fate that is to blame but something from within them
that wants and feeds off the drama. People who are genuine victims
cannot help but feel some shame and embarrassment at their fate, part
of an age-old human superstition that a person’s bad luck is a sign of
something wrong with the individual. These true victims do not enjoy
telling their stories. They do so reluctantly. Passive aggressors, on the
other hand, are dying to share what has happened to them and bask in
your attention.
As part of this, passive aggressors may display various symptoms
and ailments—anxiety attacks, depression, headaches—that make their
suffering seem quite real. Since childhood, we have all been capable of
willing such symptoms to get attention and sympathy. We can make
ourselves sick with worry; we can think our way into depression. What
you are looking for is the pattern: this seems to recur in passive
aggressors when they need something (such as a favor), when they feel
you pulling away, when they feel particularly insecure. In any case,
they tend to soak up your time and mental space, infecting you with
their negative energy and needs, and it is very hard to disengage.
These types will often prey upon those who are prone to feel guilty—
the sensitive, caregiving types. To deal with the manipulation involved
here you need some distance, and this is not easy. The only way to do
this is to feel some anger and resentment at the time and energy you
are wasting in trying to help them, and how little they give back to you.
The relationship inevitably tilts in their favor when it comes to
attention. That is their power. Creating some inner distance will allow

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you to see through them better and eventually quit the unhealthy
relationship. Do not feel bad about this. You will be surprised at how
quickly they find another target.