The 50th Law (with 50 Cent)

Keys to Human Nature
From early on in life we humans develop a defensive and self-
protective side to our personality. It begins in early childhood as we
cultivate a sense of personal physical space that others should not
violate. It later expands into a feeling of personal dignity—people
should not coerce or manipulate us into doing things we don’t want to.
We should be free to choose what we desire. These are necessary
developments in our growth as socialized humans.
As we get older, however, these defensive qualities often solidify
into something much more rigid, and for good reason. People are
continually judging and appraising us—are we competent enough,
good enough, a team player? We never feel quite free of this scrutiny.
One noticeable failure in our lives, and people’s scrutiny will turn into
negative judgments that can cripple us for a long time. Furthermore,
we have the feeling that people are always trying to take from us—they
want our time, our money, our ideas, our labor. In the face of all of
this, we naturally become more self-absorbed and defensive—we have
to look after our own interests, since nobody else will. We set up walls
around ourselves to keep out intruders and those who want something
from us.
By the time we reach our twenties, we have all developed systems of
defense, but in certain circumstances our inner walls can come
tumbling down. For instance, during a night of revelry with friends,
perhaps after some drinking, we feel bonded with others and not
judged by them. Our minds loosen up, and suddenly new and very
interesting ideas come to us, and we’re open to doing things we would
normally never do. In another instance, perhaps we attend some public
rally and hear an inspiring speaker advocating for a cause. Feeling on
the same page as hundreds of others, caught up in the group spirit, we
suddenly feel called to action and to work for the cause—something we
might normally resist.

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The most telling example, however, occurs when we fall in love and
the feeling is reciprocated. The other person appreciates and reflects
back to us our most positive qualities. We feel worthy of being loved.
Under such a spell, we let go of our ego and our habitual stubbornness;
we give the other person unusual sway over our willpower.
What these moments have in common is that we feel inwardly
secure—not judged but accepted by friends, the group, or the loved
one. We see a reflection of ourselves in others. We can relax. At our
core we feel validated. Not needing to turn inward and defensive, we
can direct our minds outward, beyond our ego—to a cause, a new idea,
or the happiness of the other.