The Happiest Baby on the Block and The Happiest Toddler on the Block 2-Book Bundle pdfdrive com

How to Eliminate Most
Tantrums … Before They Even Start!
Being able to calm tantrums in seconds will make you feel great, but
you’ll feel like the best, smartest, and happiest parent ever when you can

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stop the tantrums before they happen!
Now you’re ready to join the thousands of parents who have
eliminated 50 to 90 percent of their young child’s tantrums in less than a
week. The four key steps are:
1. Avoid problem situations.
2. Connect with respect … all day long.
3. Feed the meter.
4. Teach patience-stretching and magic breathing.
Step 1: Avoid Problem Situations
Nobody knows your toddler better than you. So I bet you already have a
pretty good idea of which situations knock him off balance. The trick is
to think ahead and be prepared.
The most common avoidable tantrum triggers are:
• Fatigue. Many kids get ornery if they miss their nap or sleep
poorly at night.
• Hunger. Some kids get fussy if their meal is even thirty minutes
late (low blood sugar). The moms of these sensitive tykes need to
carry emergency snacks, like crackers and cheese, in the diaper
bag.
• Caffeine and stimulants. Many kids bounce off the walls after
having caffeinated drinks (cola, iced tea, chocolate milk). In
addition, too much sugar or decongestants in cold medicines can
also be monster-makers.
• Being cooped up. Toddlers thrive on outdoor play. Little cave-
kids who don’t get to roam the jungle (your backyard or the park)
two or three times a day often get unbearably grumpy.
• Being ignored. Toddlers often act up when we ignore them for
too long. That is why feeding the meter by playing the boob and
giving time-ins—several times an hour—can miraculously reduce

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your child’s need for time-outs.
• Being overtempted. If you live in a house with lots of attractive
breakables, your little one may just not have enough self-control
to keep his hands off things.
• Unexpected changes. Shy or sensitive kids may go bonkers
when they have to deal with unexpected changes. You can
sidestep problems with these little “princess and the pea” people
by reviewing your next day’s plan, mentioning any changes in
routine that might occur.
• Tension and violence. Keep the peace in your house. Many
toddlers model the violence they see on TV or when their
parents fight at home.
Step 2: Connect with Respect … All Day Long
Don’t just use your good communication skills to handle emotional
explosions. Try to use the FFR and Toddler-ese dozens of times a day.
Use them even when you’re just dealing with a minor upset or a small
request. For example, when your 18-month-old asks for juice, smile and
narrate back his desire in a cheery voice, “You say, juicey! You love your
juicey, mmm! Okay, sweetheart, here’s your juice.”
Help your child learn by your example as you use the FFR with others
(other children, your partner … even your child’s stuffed animals!). And
comment to him about the feelings of people you see in magazines or in
public. (“Honey, look how that man is whistling and happy! What do
you think he is so happy about?”)
Sure, all this takes a few extra seconds, but it pays off in ways big and
small. Besides, your good communication will help your toddler learn
how to talk and teach that loving people speak to each other with
respect.
Step 3: Feed the Meter

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Little 18-month-olds take—and take—and then they pressure us for
more! They have short memories and forget the caring attention and fun
play you just shared two hours before. (Remember, two hours feels like
six to an impatient toddler.) But they need frequent bits of our loving
attention as much as flowers need water and sunshine. That’s why
feeding the meter with green-light techniques—several times an hour—is
such a powerful tool for preventing tantrums.
Parents who feed the meter many times a day make their kids feel
smart, strong, respected, and loved. And, when kids feel like winners,
they instantly become more cooperative.
Use: time-ins (like attention, play, praise, gossip, hand checks, stickers,
hand stamps), confidence builders (like respectful listening, offering
options, playing the boob), fun routines (like special time and bedtime
sweet talk), and planting seeds of kindness (like fairy tales, catching
others being good, and role-play).
Can small steps like playing catch, being a boob, and little nightly
massages really head off conflicts? Yes! Your toddler understands that

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the more play and attention you give him—and the more you build his
confidence—the more cooperation he owes you.
But remember this key point: Your child’s idea of what’s fair is when
he wins 90 percent of the time (see
The 90-10 Compromise: Your
Toddler’s Idea of What’s Fair
). So if you let him feel smart and cared
about oodles of times a day and let him get his way on many little
“conflicts” you don’t really care about (like what socks to wear or what
book to read first), he’ll give in much more (like eating a bite of
vegetables or holding hands when you cross the street).
Step 4: Teach Patience
This fourth step, teaching patience, is critically important to preventing
tantrums. Patience-stretching and magic breathing help our little cave-
kids strengthen their brains’ ability to control their primitive impulses.
Children who learn to be patient just a little bit longer automatically
become calmer and more reasonable. And that extra minute or two of
your tot’s patient waiting is often just enough for you to finish the chore
you’re working on (get off the phone, finish tossing the salad, etc.).
Please review the instructions for teaching patience-stretching and
magic breathing (
Teaching Patience: Patience-Stretching
and
Teaching
Patience: Magic Breathing
). Practice patience-stretching several times a
day (with older tots also do magic breathing once or twice a day).
Within a week, you’ll be thrilled with your child’s growing ability to
handle frustrations and delay his need for instant gratification.
Each time your little friend patiently waits for something, reward his
cooperation with a tiny time-in or some playing the boob so he knows
his efforts are appreciated.