A new Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated

Child: I don’t like scary movies. 
Adult (Define the Problem, Reassurance, Invitation): 
I know, and I’m not saying you have to go to a 
scary movie. The thing is, your brother is really 
looking forward to going to the movies and I can’t 
send him to the movies alone. Let’s think of how 
we could work this out. Do you have any ideas? 
Child: We could not go to the movies. 
Adult: There’s an idea. The thing is, if we don’t go to 
the movies, you’d be very happy, but your 
brother would be very unhappy. Let’s see if we 
can come up with an idea that would make us all 
happy. 
Child: We could go to a movie that’s not scary. 
Adult: We could. How about we go get the movie 
section from the newspaper and see if there are 
any movies out that aren’t scary that you and your 
brother would both want to see. If we can find 
one, then we could still go to the movies, but you 
wouldn’t have to worry that it’s too scary. Yes? 

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Plan B 
113 
Adult (Empathy, with an attempt to clarify): I’ve 
noticed that homework has been a struggle for us 
lately. But I don’t think I understand why that is. 
What’s up with the homework? 
Child: It’s too hard for me. 
Adult (Refined Empathy, with another attempt to 
clarify): It’s too hard for you. Is there a certain part 
that’s hard for you? 
Child: The writing part. At school they don’t make 
me do as much writing as you do. 
Adult (Refined Empathy): Ah, the writing part is hard 
for you and I make you do more writing at home 
than they do at school. 
Child: Yeah. 
Adult (Define the Problem): I didn’t know they don’t 
make you write as much at school. I guess I’m just 
concerned that if you don’t practice the writing, 
then it will always be really hard for you. 
Child: I do practice the writing at school. But the 
homework isn’t supposed to be to practice 
writing—it’s supposed to be to practice spelling!