How To Quit Porn
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Dr. David Smith - How To Quit Porn (2nd Edition)
Carpe diem. Don’t wait for the future, act now. There is no ceiling limiting how much progress you can make. If you’ve tried to quit before but never succeeded, don’t give up. This time it can be different. Take what you’ve learned and apply it to this attempt. Know that millions of others are on the journey to quit as well, and many have done so successfully, coming from all levels of addiction severity. After you quit, the benefits you will be rewarded with are incredible. Significant mental gains include a clearer focus, a higher intelligence and level of thinking, creativity, memory, and motivation. You will experience significant gains in energy, requiring less sleep, feeling stronger, more alive and active. You will feel more awake and full of energy. Some odd health problems that lack a clear cause will go away. Be patient in your recovery and focus on reaching the eventual outcome. Over time you will reverse all of the symptoms that have been caused by sexual addiction and exhaustion, where you notice that the way you feel on average is far better than at any time when you were watching porn. You will get tired less easily, and have a feeling of being more in control, sharp, creative, and the ability to enjoy life more. You will feel way more alive, a feeling like when you were younger, before you were addicted to porn. It will take time, but you will experience all these glorious effects on your life. By getting your sexual health completely under your control, you will quickly go from feeling weak and tired to being powerful and on top of the world. Most of the most successful people have been very good and disciplined at controlling their sexual desires. They are often brimming with energy, able to tap into and harness their energy to achieve their aims. Those who have been able to become successful, and yet are not able to control their urges have it much worse. It often leads to a very public downfall. Work becomes easier, when you have dopamine stored up in the brain, ready for whatever is necessary. You will feel less resistance to doing hard tasks, as well as an ability to work harder and longer to achieve what you want. You will be more able to find clarity in ambiguity, to continuously have creative powers and strong abilities to discern – clear thinking leads to good decision-making (perhaps the most important trait to be successful). With sexual control and retention of sexual energy, life becomes more vivid. Music sounds better, conversations become more interesting and funnier, everything becomes better. Your perception of the world changes. A glow appears in you and around you. You become more conscious, active, and able to pick up on things. Mental sharpness and presence increase your quality of life significantly. You will have the ability to look people in the eye, command a presence, and gain respect from others. You appear better, more confident, a leader, stronger and more athletic. In general, the ability to connect and empathize with others grows significantly. You will have the desire and ability to have a meaningful romantic relationship. Things go smoothly, closer to how you want, and mentally you are stronger and able to handle what life has in store. Bad days become less bad, and good days are even better. Your perception of the world will completely change, where you will not be bothered by small things, but be more genuinely optimistic. People will want to be around you, and you will want to seek out what is real, using your strength, the sense of being alive, and being creative. Your default state is one of freedom, not one of slavery. You control your computer, not the other way around. Realize that those who put out such destructive content are greedy for money or have an issue with addiction themselves. Go out there and seize the day. When you get better, please share the knowledge with others. Helping others quit and find purpose in life is one of the greatest feelings in the world. It can be as simple as adding web blockers to your computers and leaving them in a common area if you have kids. It is important to teach children the dangers of porn. You never want to go back. But in the back of your mind, keep track of where you came from. The following section goes into more detail. How to Never Go Back Never forget what life was like before your recovery. Chances are that it was far worse in many aspects. You do not want to go back to that low state of perception ever again. That does not mean to dwell on wasted time or continuously harbor regrets about the past, but instead, focus on your better vision for the future, and put all your energies to making that a reality. Keep a certain amount of constant vigilance, knowing that you are never far from falling back into old habits. The threat is dormant but still exists in its weakened state. If you manage it correctly, it won’t bother you even though it is still there. But this means that you will always be more vulnerable than someone who was never addicted to porn. Complacency is dangerous. Once you feel that you might have conquered the problem, it may suddenly come back with an incredible intensity and prove you wrong. Become better able to handle difficulties in your new life. For many people, before porn became an addiction in and of itself, it was used as a crutch to handle stressful or unpleasant situations. Find healthier ways to release stress and achieve a mental bliss. Learn to be stronger in your thinking and achieve a higher state of perception. Retain a calmness and a tranquil and pure state of mind that can’t be easily bothered. Nothing in the world really matters when you think about it, so take it easy. If you ever get too stressed about anything, take a step back, a deep breath, and scan your body. You can always afford to take moments to yourself. An important aspect of recovery is substitution, replacing your past addiction with something much healthier. Specifically with porn addiction, fortunately a perfect substitute is available: a real person. A real human is not addictive in the same way as porn and never will be. It is infinitely more special. This will come to replace the hole in your mind in a wonderful way. Continue to live your life consciously and deliberately, taking every opportunity to seize the moment, do what you love and enjoy, spent time with the people you want to, and always distance yourself from addiction. Don’t even think about going back to take a look. Always be conscious and disciplined whenever these thoughts get into your head. Don’t give in to them, no matter what. Allow these urges to weaken over time. Because once you take that initial step, the slippery slope can take you all the way down. Know that recovery in the future may be many times harder than it has been in the past. So appreciate what you have, be cognizant of your situation, never take anything for granted, and always seek out something even better for yourself. There is no silver bullet or magic pill to guarantee that you won’t slip back. Just try your best and enjoy your life – this goes a long way. Relationship Advice Many porn addicts (obviously not everyone, but a significant proportion) have had difficulties in having satisfying relationships. So here I provide a general section of advice. Some may find this advice too general or not helpful for their situation, but I believe this topic is worth addressing. Firstly, understand the boundaries that porn has placed on you. Realize that ultimately, you are free, and there are no ceilings placed on you when it comes to love. This may be difficult to internalize at the start for several reasons. Porn may have made the idea of being in a relationship less appealing than it actually is. If you aren’t interested in having a relationship or aren’t attracted to anyone, give your mind time to wean itself off of the porn. Porn use greatly diminishes your feelings of attraction in real life. Getting in the habit of reaching climax by oneself can lead the mind to block off relationship possibilities, either through curtailing desires or by creating self-perceptions of unworthiness. Many reasons, such as trauma, fear of intimacy, or just having a less open personality, may have increased the likelihood of abusing porn. For people who are in this state, consumption of porn puts them at a further disadvantage when entering a real relationship. See all of this simply as a hurdle that needs to be overcome. In terms of sexual activity, porn is a local maximum, a path easily obtained with the lowest resistance which lacks any emotional connection, while a relationship is the absolute maximum, the ideal and what it should be. There is a clear conflict between the two, as porn pushes you in the direction away from having a relationship. It encourages anti-social behavior, noisy and extreme thoughts, and excessive introspection. As a local maximum, porn can lead users to get stuck in an unideal place, making it harder to pursue a real relationship. You need to understand this and break free. Never see your past as reflecting on you negatively. Many people have developed the addiction at such a young age before getting into a relationship was possible. Porn is easy for anyone to get into because it requires no initiative or upfront emotional commitment. As such, it takes additional effort to break out of the habit of porn, but it is always worth it. It is surprisingly easy to meet people organically. Know that there are people who want to be with you. Know that you are loved by someone. This is the truth – you just have to put yourself out there. Begin by interacting more with the people around you, letting friends to introduce you to new people, joining clubs, going to social events, using dating apps, etc. This list goes on and on. Don’t be afraid of rejection at all. You have nothing to lose, and you only need to meet that one right person. Be as natural as possible, as these connections can happen effortlessly. Just put yourself in more organic positions to meet and interact with people. Oftentimes, relationships come about naturally when you don’t go in looking for them. Just like happiness, relationships are often best pursued indirectly, which will allow them to come about easily and organically. First, you have to become someone that you would want to date. Obviously, if you don’t love yourself it’s hard to get other people attracted to you. Quitting porn is a huge first step. After a period of recovery, you will feel differently, refreshed and ready to move on with life. You will carry and project a certain confidence and charisma, that when you have it, you know you have it. This is vital to getting respect and a connection to other people. In this mindset, it is easy to get into a relationship. To have a healthy and lasting relationship, you must have a clear mind and a certain amount of sexual energy. Again, this requires abstinence from sexual thoughts and activity to reach this state. If you’re masturbating unhealthily or excessively, sexual activity in a relationship won’t be enjoyable. Come in with a clear mind and the ability to feel joy and experience everything. If you don’t, it is also doing your partner a disservice by not fully being present with them and giving them the best that you can. Some don’ts: Don’t try to fake it. If you aren’t feeling it, it’s not meant to be. Don’t seem desperate – you don’t want to come across as too needy or weak. Instead convey an aura of calm confidence, which will make it seem like you have multiple options and can be choosy when it comes to who to date. The best way to do this is show interest, but don’t be excessive at the beginning. Don’t play people in a selfish way, even though the process of getting into a relationship can be interesting. Show clear interest without being creepy or pushy. When the time is right, you will know. Don’t feel in a rush to jump into a relationship. Some people will start early, but don’t feel pressured because of that. Age is just a number. Especially if you are young, say in your twenties, there is no need to rush. Take time to recover first and this will pay off in the form of a better relationship. Do not fall for easy solutions or try to seek out shortcuts. The pick-up artist is a scam. Videos are often staged with paid actors, and these sorts of fake formulas do not work. Just like with get rich quick schemes, their personal motivations will trump those of helping you. Occasionally some may have good advice, but in general there is no substitute for genuine connection and sincerity. Just like beating the addiction, the key here is patience. Know that you will be in good shape after improving yourself and setting yourself up well. The key is to be patient, and over time you will see the results. People who have an issue with porn are often lonelier and may struggle at the beginning to enter a relationship. But this is always worth it and can help one find more meaning and live a lifetime of happiness. In the intermediate stages of porn recovery, really begin to branch out and take your life to a higher level. Try to meet someone who can become your partner / significant other. Loyalty towards this person will help you avoid relapsing and make you committed. It is emotionally healthy to have someone who cares for you, and whom you care for as well. Seize the momentum you earned by quitting porn and replace what was in the past with far healthier habits. If you have never been in a good relationship, you might not know what true love is like. Porn is not a substitute for true love; it lacks correspondence with reality. Try to know what your preferences were like before you started watching porn, as this is what everything should be like. And as you recover, distinguish between cravings for porn and real sexual needs. If you haven’t gone on a long streak of not watching porn, you must do it to feel the difference. Only then will you know what attraction is like. Quit porn and only then can you have a healthy sex life. Make sure to approach it in the correct order. When watching porn, it is impossible to summon the character and charisma you need to attract others, even if you are trying to fake it. Just making eye contact during conversations is difficult. Posture, your voice, maintaining an aura of confidence and clarity – everything changes when you conserve your sexual energies. After beating the addiction, relationships will come about more easily and naturally. You will find conversations to be much easier and more engaging. Overall, quitting porn greatly enhances social skills and will help in maintaining your confidence and vitality. Girls are very good at picking up on your mental state and energy levels. They will shun those who are unable to control their sexual urges. Quit so that you can boost your attractiveness, but moreover, so that you can have a more satisfying and pure relationship and sexual life when the time comes. It is important to save what is special, otherwise you won’t be able to fully enjoy what is actually enjoyable when it comes to a relationship. Enter into any relationship with good intentions. Realize that there is nothing satisfying about hookups and casual sex. It is similar to porn. The purpose of sex is procreation and building emotional connections, and when that doesn’t happen, looking back everything feels like a waste. The only healthy and sustainable way is to use sex as a method of pair bonding, creating a special bond with someone on a higher level, and have children when the time comes. Ultimately any unnatural pleasure-seeking behavior in the short-term will lead to misery of a much more significant magnitude in the long run. Attempts to defy the physical realities of life are futile. Once you are in a relationship, porn is no longer an option. Know that you are committed and that it would be cheating to go behind their back with others. |
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