communication, and he had resisted her for twenty years.
After hearing about men and rubber bands in the seminar, she burst into tears of forgiveness
for her husband. She realized that "his" problem was "their" problem. She recognized how she
had contributed to their problem.
She said, "I remember in our first year of marriage I would open up, talk about my feelings,
and he would just walk away. I thought he didn't love me. After that happened a few times, I
gave up. I was not willing to be hurt again. I did not know that at another time he would be
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able to listen to my feelings. I didn't give him a chance. I stopped being vulnerable. I wanted
him to open up before I would."
One-sided Conversations
Sandra's conversations were generally one-sided. She would try to get him to talk first by
asking him a string of questions. Then, before she could share what she wanted to talk about,
she would become upset with his short answers. When she finally did share her feelings, they
were always the same. She was upset that he was not open, loving, and sharing.
A one-sided conversation might go like this:
SANDRA:
How was your day?
LARRY:
OK.
SANDRA:
What happened?
LARRY*
The usual.
SANDRA:
What do you feel like doing this weekend?
LARRY.
I don't care. What do you want to do?
SANDRA:
Do you want to invite our friends over?
LARRY:
I don't know. Do you know where the TV schedule is?
SANDRA:
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