made him a better listener.
Larry learned the art of listening. He practiced listening without trying to fix her. It is much
more effective to teach a man to listen than to open up and be vulnerable. As he learns to listen
to someone he cares for and is appreciated in response, he gradually will open up and share
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more automatically.
When a man feels appreciated for listening and he doesn't feel rejected for not sharing more, he
will gradually begin to open up. When he feels as though he doesn't have to talk more, then
naturally he will. But first he needs to feel accepted. If she is still frustrated by his silence she is
forgetting that men are from Mars!
WHEN A MAN DOESN'T PULL AWAY
Lisa and Jim had been married for two years. They did everything together. They were never
apart. After a while, Jim became increasingly irritable, passive, moody, and temperamental.
In a private counseling session, Lisa told me, "He is no longer any fun to be with. I have tried
everything to cheer him up, but it doesn't work. I want to do fun things together, like going to
restaurants, shopping, traveling, going to plays, parties, and dancing, but he doesn't. We never
do anything anymore. We just watch TV, eat, sleep, and work. I try to love him, but I am angry.
He used to be so charming and romantic. Living with him now is like living with a slug. I don't
know what to do. He just won't budge!"
After learning about the male intimacy cycle-the rubber band theory-both Lisa and Jim realized
what had happened. They were spending too much time together. Jim and Lisa needed to
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