John Gray – Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus Scanned by nova scanner: Canoscan D1250 U2f software: Omnipage Pro 9 Date: 28 August 2002 Proofed by


(upset) Why don't you talk to me?


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Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus

(upset) Why don't you talk to me? 
LARRY: 
(Stunned and silent.) 
SANDRA: 
Do you love me? 
LARRY: 
Of course I love you. I married you. 
SANDRA: 
 How could you love me? We never talk any more. How can you just sit 
there and say nothing. Don't you care? 
 
At this point, Larry would get up and go for a walk. When he came back he would act as though 
nothing had happened. Sandra would also act as though everything was fine, but inside she 
would withdraw her love and warmth. On the surface she would try to be loving, but on the 
inside her resentment increased. From time to time it would boil up and she would begin 
another one-sided interrogation of her husband's feelings. After twenty years of gathering 
evidence that he did not love her, she was no longer willing to be deprived of intimacy. 
 
Learning to Support Each Other Without Having to Change 
 
At the seminar Sandra said, "I have spent twenty years trying to get Larry to talk. I wanted him 
to open up and be vulnerable. I didn't realize that what I was missing was a man who would 
support me in being open and vulnerable. That is what I really needed. I have shared more 
intimate feelings with my husband this weekend than in twenty years. I feel so loved. This is 
what I have been missing. I thought he had to change. Now I know nothing is wrong with him 
or me. We just didn't know how to support each other." 
 
Sandra had always complained that Larry didn't talk. She had convinced herself that his silence 
made intimacy impossible. At the seminar she learned to share her feelings without expecting 
or demanding Larry to reciprocate. Instead of rejecting his silence she learned to appreciate it. It 

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