differences. The Martians learned to respect that Venusians needed to talk to feel better. Even
if he didn't have much to say, he learned that by listening he could be very supportive. The
Venusians learned to respect that Martians needed to withdraw to cope with stress. The cave
was no longer a great mystery or cause for alarm.
30
WHAT THE MARTIANS LEARNED
The Martians realized that even when they felt they were being attacked, blamed, or criticized
by the Venusians it was only temporary; soon the Venusians would suddenly feel better and be
very appreciative and accepting. By learning to listen, the Martians discovered how much the
Venusians really thrived on talking about problems.
Each Martian found peace of mind when he finally understood that a Venusian's need to talk
about her problems was not because he was failing her in some way. In addition he learned
that once a Venusian feels heard she stops dwelling on her problems and becomes very
positive. With this awareness, a Martian was able to listen without feeling responsible for
solving all her problems.
Many men and even women are very judgmental of the need to talk about problems because
they have never experienced how healing it can be. They have not seen how a woman who feels
heard suddenly can change, feel better, and sustain a positive attitude. Generally they have
seen how a woman (probably their mother) who did not feel heard continued to dwell on her
problems. This happens to women when they do not feel loved or heard over an extended
period of time. The real problem, however, is that she feels unloved, not that she is talking
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