John Gray – Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus Scanned by nova scanner: Canoscan D1250 U2f software: Omnipage Pro 9 Date: 28 August 2002 Proofed by

before they can feel the self-love they deserve. 
 
5. People who always feel loving but wonder why they are depressed or numb generally need 
to ask themselves this question: "If I were angry and upset about something, what would it be?" 
and write out the answers. This will help them get in touch with the feelings hidden behind the 
depression and numbness. Love Letters can be used in this fashion. 
 
How Feelings Can Hide Other Feelings 
 
Following are some examples of how men and women use their negative emotions to avoid or 
suppress their true pain. Keep in mind that this process is automatic. We are often not aware 
that it is happening. Consider for a moment these questions: 
 
• Do you ever smile when you are really angry? 
• Have you acted angry when deep inside you were afraid? 
• Do you laugh and make jokes when you are really sad and hurt? 
• Have you been quick to blame others when you felt guilty or afraid? 
 
The following chart shows how men and women commonly deny their true feelings. Certainly 
not all men will fit the male description just as not all women will fit the female description. 
The chart gives us a way to understand how we may remain strangers to our real feelings. 
 
 
WAYS WE COVER UP OUR REAL FEELINGS 
 
How Men Hide Their Pain 
(This process is generally unconscious) 
How Women Hide their Pain 
(This process is generally unconscious) 
1. Men may use anger as a way of avoiding the 
painful feelings of sadness, hurt, sorrow, guilt, 
and fear. 
1. Women may use concern and worry as a way 
of avoiding the painful feelings of anger, guilt, 
fear, and disappointment. 
2. Men may use indifference and discourage- ent 
as a way of avoiding the painful feelings of 
anger. 
2. Women may fall into confusion as a way of 
avoiding anger, irritation, and frustration. 
3. Men may use feeling offended as a way of 
avoiding feeling hurt. 
3. Women may use feeling bad as a way of 
avoiding embarrassment, anger, sadness, and 
regret. 
4. Men may use anger and righteousness as a 
way to avoid feeling afraid or uncertain. 
4. Women may use fear and uncertainty as a 
way of avoiding anger, hurt, and sadness. 
5. Men may feel ashamed to avoid anger and 
grieving. 
5. Women may use grieving to avoid feeling 
angry and afraid. 
6. Men may use peace and calm as a way to 
avoid 
anger, 
fear, 
disappointment, 
discouragement, and shame. 
6. Women may use hope as a way to avoid 
anger, sadness, grief, and sorrow. 
7. Men may use confidence to avoid feeling 
inadequate. 
7. Women may use happiness and gratitude to 
avoid feeling sadness and disappointment. 
8. Men may use aggression to avoid feeling 
afraid. 
8. Women may use love and forgiveness as a 
way to avoid feeling hurt and angry.