Ielts essay Clinic Targeted Feedback pdf 2 Your Main Body Paragraphs

Topic Sentence 
Student sample
Most locals have become too familiar with seeing and hearing about 
things kept in the museums and historical sites in their communities. This 
is as a result of ancient items being displayed outside to attract visitors. 
Seeing these displays often has led to them loosing interest to further 
find out more. For example the Zumbawa museum located in the city of 
Lekki in Lagos evaluated the reasons for their low patronage by locals 
and discovered that their daily displays led to a negative impact on the 
locals due to over familiarity.
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People from the local community often find these 
attractions too expensive to visit. 
VIP Student Topic Sentence 
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My explanation does not repeat the same idea in 
the topic sentence. 
The explanation helps the reader understand what 
I think about the question. 
Anyone could read the explanation and fully 
understand what I think about the main idea. 
My explanation explains the main point included in 
the topic sentence. 
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Explanation Checklist
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Explanation
Student sample
Presently, foreigners are the only personnel that are visiting museums and 
Relics area instead of indigenous humans because of familiarity and closeness