Ielts essay Clinic Targeted Feedback pdf 2 Your Main Body Paragraphs

Example 
Checklist
My example makes sense. 
The example proves my main point is true. 
My example helps the reader understand 
my main point
My example is logical. 
The example supports (linked to) 
the main idea in the topic sentence. 
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Example
Student sample
I completely agree with you because foreign tourism is the main source of 
national income so governates don't encourage internal tourism . They make 
more bonus and discount to foreign tourist . The internal tourism is in its way 
to disappear for most people prefer to stay in the home watching TV rather 
than go to historical places as they don't spend any money . Also life pressures 
and expensive cost of our needed , this defend most of people toward work 
extratime instead of have good vacation with their family in a sight seeing . 
Examiner Feedback- No example present.
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© 2020 IELTS Advantage All 
rights reserved
Example
Student sample
In modern times, historical places like museums and castles are more visited 
by tourists comparatively to local people.The main reason is that local once 
visit these places and aware of them and attraction get finished in their eyes 
,rather than visitors get more attraction for these historical places as these are 
new for them.For instance, when locals make a plan to visit someplace they 
always prefer a new place which they never visited before.