Ielts essay Clinic Targeted Feedback pdf 2 Your Main Body Paragraphs

Advice- This example is very vague. Adding a city or specific places to visit in 
that city would improve this example. 
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Example
Student sample
Exploration of history makes foreigners to visit museums and 
historical places more. This is because most foreigners wants to 
Know more about the nation's history leaving them with an option 
of visiting their museums and place of history. For instance, most UK 
citizen's usually Visit Nigeria's source of river ethiope because of the 
historical stories behind the formation.
Advice- This example does not make sense. Most UK citizens do not 
visit Nigeria. Your example does not need to be 100% factually 
accurate but it does need to make sense to the person reading it. 
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© 2021 IELTS Advantage 
All rights reserved

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© 2020 IELTS Advantage All 
rights reserved
Example
Student sample
The nearby people are often bored by visiting historical sites and museums of 
their locality because they have already read about its history multiple times 
which resist them to find anything interesting or attractive in these sites. 
People urging for something new, gets no satisfaction by visiting these local 
sites; hence, resulting in their less number. In contradiction, foreigners find 
adventure in exploring new culture of different country. For example, the Taj 
Mahal, in India, is merely visited by local residents of Agra, whereas there are 
number of foreign tourist visiting it.