was. After a few minutes she paused. I then offered to drop off the babysitter so she could relax
and meditate before dinner.
She said, "Really, you'll take the babysitter home? That would be great. Thank you!" Again she
gave me the appreciation and acceptance I needed to feel like a successful partner, even when
she was tired and exhausted.
Women don't think of giving appreciation because they assume a man knows how much she
appreciates being heard. He doesn't know. When she is talking about problems, he needs to be
reassured that he is still loved and appreciated.
Men feel frustrated by problems unless they are doing something to solve them. By
appreciating him, a woman can help him realize that just by listening he is also helping.
A woman does not have to suppress her feelings or even change them to support her partner.
She does, however, need to express them in a way that doesn't make him feel attacked, accused,
or blamed. Making a few small changes can make a big difference.
Four Magic Words of Support
The four magic words to support a man are "It's not your fault." When a woman is expressing
her upset feelings she can support a man by pausing occasionally to encourage him by saying "I
really appreciate your listening, and if this sounds as if I'm saying it's your fault, that's not
what I mean. It's not your fault."
A woman can learn to be sensitive to her listener when she understands his tendency to start
feeling like a failure when he hears a lot of problems.
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Just the other day my sister called me and talked about a difficult experience that she was going
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