John Gray – Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus Scanned by nova scanner: Canoscan D1250 U2f software: Omnipage Pro 9 Date: 28 August 2002 Proofed by

 
If he feels blamed, I suggest he not blame back and say "I feel like you are blaming me." 
 
Instead I suggest saying "It is difficult to hear you say I am so serious. Are you saying it is all 
my fault that we don't have more fun?" 
 
Or he could say "It hurts when I hear you say I am so serious and we don't have any fun. Are 
you saying that it is all my fault?" 
 
In addition, to improve the communication he can give her a way out. He could say "It feels like 
you are saying it is all my fault that we work so much. Is that true?" 
 
Or he could say "When you say we don't have any fun and that I am so serious, I feel like you 
are saying it is all my fault. Are you?" 
 
All of these responses are respectful and give her a chance to take back any blame that he might 
have felt. When she says "Oh, no, I'm not saying it's all your fault" he will probably feel 
somewhat relieved. 
 
Another approach that I find most helpful is to remember that she always has a right to be 
upset and that once she gets it out, she will feel much better. This awareness allows me to relax 
and remember that if I can listen without taking it personally, then when she needs to 

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complain she will be so appreciative of me. Even if she was blaming me, she will not hold on to 
it. 
 
The Art of Listening 
 
As a man learns to listen and interpret a woman's feelings correctly, communication becomes 
easier. As with any art, listening requires practice. Each day when I get home, I will generally 
seek out Bonnie and ask her about her day, thus practicing this art of listening.